Our inbox is overflowing and we'll never get to all the lonely hearts, so each week, one reader's fate will be left up to the masses. Answer this reader's question by filling out the poll after the jump:

My girlfriend hates giving blowjobs. We have a great sex life except for this one thing. I'm happy to go down on her and I do, though cunnilingus is not her favorite thing. BJs are my favorite thing, I'd say equal to if not greater than regular intercourse. I'm really starting to miss the oral attention. What do you think?

--Unpeeled Banana Man



I agree with the majority, although I personally fall into the same camp as your gf -- although maybe not for the same reason. I physically CAN'T give a decent bj because my bite is off, and as a result, I can't even open by mouth wide enough or keep it that way long enough for it to be even remotely comfortable for me. So, this isn't necessarily the case, but know it IS possible.

Anonymous said:

Well, I'm like his girlfriend. I've tried and tried and tried to like it, but I just don't. I really don't have a solution for it, other than polyamory, because I'd rather he get it elsewhere than go without because of monogamy, or having me choke on it again.

Dylan said:

Fortunately, my girlfriend loves to suck me off. She didn't used to, though, so I did get adjusted to sex without oral. Is it a dealbreaker? No, I don't think so. Sex can still be fun. But does it suck (pun totally intended)? If you never get head before intercourse, yeah, I'd say so. It does indeed help one get ready.

Jay said:

My simple answer: deal-breaker!

I think oral should be exchanged every time, with the only exceptions occurring when you haven't showered in a while, or you're just so horny that the sex can't wait.

To complicate the picture, though, when a woman hates something as tame and normal as blowjobs, it's possible that she's experienced some sort of trauma related to that act. Like, maybe she was abused, in which case, we're talking about a much more delicate issue.

Short of major trauma, though, there is no excuse for shirking oral.

Michael said:

Try wearing a fruit flavored condom for your next BJ, her hang up may be the "in the mouth thing"

anonymous (redux) said:

In my case, I have experienced no trauma, other than having the gag reflex from hell. If not for the fact that I am trying not to vomit in your lap, I'd probably like it. But really, do you want to get a BJ from someone who's hoping you don't come?

Bianca said:

I personally agree with this poor guy. I absolutely LOVE oral and feel jipped when I don't get it. I also love giving head. It's an awesome thing to know that you have just rocked someone's world and they flew to the moon, but hey, thats me. I think that if you are not getting what you want and/or need sexually that this will lead to you wanting and needing some serious sexual TLC, and when you reach that point you will go out and find it. I would find someone that you are sexually compatible with. Sex is important and when you are not happy in that area it leads to discontent in almost all other areas as well.

Jay Jay said:

As I girl, I love giving head. I love all aspects of it, but mostly I just love it because my boyfriend enjoys it and I love doing something to please him that he really loves. I think this guys girlfriend is being a bit irrational by REFUSING to do it. I'm not saying that she should go down on him every time they fool around, but the occasional BJ shouldn't be a big deal. So long as he knows why she is against it, and has ruled that it isn't psychological as Jay (above) said, then I find it inexcusable that she won't do it. Isn't doing something that maybe you don't like but your partner does part of being in a relationship? And if she's like a lot of other girls that maybe do have a gag reflex or don't enjoy the guy finishing in her mouth, there are very obvious ways around that. She could just help him get started by licking, nibbling, sucking (from all angles of course) and doesn't have to deep throat him every time. In my experience, so long as she is eager and somewhat enthusiastic, her boyfriend will appreciate the effort alone and leave it at that!

Anon said:

In my case, my husband asks for one so frequently that it's even the asking itself that turns me off. It's not that I WON'T do it, it's the expectation on his part that it's MY JOB to do it. I'm all for a mutually satisfying sex life -- but, to be honest, when it's address as something I'm SUPPOSED to do, rather than a loving part of our sex life... yeah, I drag my feet.


I hate givin head but my honey loves it. I tell him if he wants it then he has to shower first. Then its all good after dat.

SweetGal_Debbie said:

When it comes to blowjobs I could suck a nice hard cock all day long! I especially love it when the guy shaves his balls so I can softly suck them without getting hairs down in my throat. My trouble is finding men who enjoy going down on me & showing me they love it. Most guys act like it is something they are expected to do, but they don't do it a long time & are quick to moving on so they can push my face into their cock! For me it's all about attitude. If the guy will show me they love doing it & are turned on by it, they'd be treated much better by me. When they just fluff my needs off....I'd rather go suck the cock of a guy I don't know that the selfish bastard beside me!

once per year said:

Good Luck Dude-
I have been married to a man for 18 years who refuses to go down on me...maybe once per year...and let's just say the routine leaves much to be desired. At first I though I was above it all, after all, I love him, so something like oral should be petty. But over time I began to resent it, and eventually when outside the relationship to get my needs met. Obviously there is more to the story, but when you have a close personal bond with someone, I don't understand why that person would not want to please you...anyway, good luck.
Once per Year


BJ's can pass STD's to the mouth. Condoms are NOT optional.


1. Tell BF to get on his knees.
2. Hold a washed cucumber (his size when it's "happy) at mouth level.
3. Push is head back and forth to engage gag reflex.
4. Keep this up until his jaw is exhausted.
5. Tell him your doing him a favor by not cumming in his mouth.

Di said:

It's not my favorite sexual activy but knowing that it will turn him on and drive him crazy it's good enough for me. Whats' fair for me is fair for him. Don't you think?

anthony said:

only thing you needto is to sweet talk to her. tell her diffrent things that she want to here. if the mood is right you got it. it all about your game. spit a little she give what you wont.

Kristen said:

My bf is much like you, he prefers BJs over sex most of the time. I happen to really enjoy giving (and receiving) oral and I made the mistake of telling him that early on. He seems to think that means I should want to do that all the time at the exclusion of other activities--specifically intercourse--and we're having a tough time navigating that. We're getting closer to a happy medium, but its required a lot of open and honest communicating and a willingness to try new ways of initiating (example - for a week he wasn't allowed to reference receiving oral at all, he had to let me initiate. That helped him to feel wanted and to realize just how frequently I'm in the mood for it!) I realize that the issue is that she does not enjoy it, but maybe through more communication you'll be able to figure out her reasons and find ways together of working out a happy medium. Good luck!

LeeBaby said:

Why do people put cock in thier as and dont want to do oral sex when oral sex dosent hurt it is just skin so why is it a BIG deal it makes the sex you have with your partern more enjoyable because it is enjoyable to them so isnt that what you want for your lover to feel good about what you are doing


Hey get someone who likes the same thing you do. I've been married for twenty years and I was fooled. My gf liked anything and everything until we married then everything stopped including bjs,cunninglingus, and only sexual intercourse to once a week. It's to late for me 3 children later and 48yrs old. Please don't make the same mistake I made, they will not change.I thought she was just going through a dry spell, what a FOOL I'm I've been.Hope this helps signed starved for 20 yrs.

just_sum_guy said:

Well, if there was something that really turned my partner on, I would do it to please HER. I like to please my partner and make sure she is completely satisfied, so why would I not do what she is very turned on by???? I am not so self interested as to worry about what I enjoy doing for myself as opposed to doing something FOR my partners pleasure. If it is something that is that you just do not enjoy, I would recommend another partner. There are things my girlfriend very much enjoys and it does nothing for me and one even is a bit of a turn-off for me, BUT, it turns HER on, so I happily provide.

LL said:

I enjoy giving head only if it's with someone I care for strongly and is not something I act out if those feelings are not present. As for receiving, I am very self conscious so I do not typically let a man do it to me. I wish it were not that way, but it's very difficult for me to overcome to let a man's face down south.

Anna said:

I personally love giving oral - maybe sometimes more than sex. If this guy feels as though the fact that his GF isn't willing to do it is a drag on their relationship, it may be time to move on. I, unfortunately, have many friends who would be in the same boat as his girlfriend. They just don't get it and, to top it all off, they start making the "anyone who gives oral is degrading themselves" generalizations while I'm still in the room. Gee thanks. But anyway, he should totally stand up for what he wants/needs. Sexual desires can be just as strong as any other desire/want.

Lady Johanna said:

Jay, I don't like blowjobs and I've never been abused in any sexual manner whatsoever. It's not a matter of whether it's "tame," I'm up for ALL sorts of kinky stuff.

Once in a blue moon, if I am with a guy who is very responsive, who makes noises and squirms a lot, I'll be motivated to make him react. But most of you just lay there with no reaction though, so it's not that much fun.

Furthermore, guys just don't smell or taste good. I'm not talking about cleanliness, I'm just talking... the smell and taste of a guy is not hot. It's not *horrible*, but it's not a turn-on, rather it's mildly unpleasant.

Not that I never do it, especially in a relationship where there's always a certain amount of give-and-take. But it's just not a turnon for me and never will be unless the guy is very responsive and I'm in "that mood".

I *love* giving oral, but rarely to guys. Now chicks... they smell fantastic, they taste awesome, and they usually make lots of noise and go all squirmy, so the whole thing is just a huge turnon. If my hand hurts, if my tongue is raw, if my throat is sore and my eyes burning... none of that slows me down in the slightest cause it's just *so* freaking hot. I can lick a cunt until she freaking begs me to stop due to exhaustion from all the orgasms.

Blowjobs just aren't hot like that.

I mean, do *you* like giving blowjobs, Jay? Does it mean you were traumatized if you don't? kq

anonymous said:

Personally, I don't like giving oral. It's not a matter of trauma--it just doesn't do anything for me. It's boring. I don't particularly like getting it, either--or maybe I have never had good oral, because it's been pretty boring on the receiving end, too. I WILL occasionally give head if I am with someone in a LTR that likes it, but I would never go so far as to say it is inexcusable if someone refuses--that's just a little too intolerant, IMO. I used to have a BF who would ask for it CONSTANTLY, almost to the exclusion of regular sex--but never reciprocated. I never got foreplay from him, either. After a while, I just started refusing to give head altogether, and then got tired of the lousy sex and started refusing that, too. The relationship didn't last much longer after that.

IMO--boys, if your partner has stopped giving you sex, you need to ask yourself what YOU are doing wrong in bed. If you were rocking her world, truly, she would still be wanting it. I love sex, and would have it multiple times a day--but even I will say no to bad or boring sex after awhile. I know you all think you are virtual sex gods, but take my advice--you aren't. Very few men are. We won't refuse a relationship with a man who doesn't light our fire every time---my current boyfriend is far from the best lay I ever had, and I still plan on marrying him. Love, after all, is more enduring than lust. But if your sex life is bad, at least 50% of the problem is you.

sarah said:

I definitely don't mind giving oral, as my first experience with it was great. However, with my long-term boyfriends, I am less motivated to do it when they hound me for it. It's much better to talk about the need for more oral in your life with your clothes on, rather than when it is expected.
Also, encouraging her verbally might put her in a better mood to do it. Hearing that you're giving the best head, having him ask you where you learned that, or even just having him tell you to "do that again" is a turn-on for repeating the act. Guys sometimes skimp on the compliments.
Another point, if you're pissing her off, do you really expect her to take care of you like that? To be totally honest, I won't withhold sex, but I definitely withhold oral when my boyfriend isn't treating me great.

anonymous said:

The trauma issue is really important. I was sexually abused as a child and am totally unable to bring myself to give or receive oral. The other issues about sex I've pretty much gotten past, but oral is one thing I don't think I'll ever be able to handle.

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