By Tag



We got a ton of great entries! And they're all winners! But we only have two copies of Alison Tyler's "Never Have Sex the Same Way Twice" to give away. It was hard to narrow down, so while there were a lot of good ideas in the comments section of the contest announcement post, we only considered the tips which were emailed in per our instruction (see, it pays to read directions carefully). Immediately below are our two faves (which we're sure some of you will disagree with), followed by the honorable mentions. Thanks for playing!

WINNER: Maybe it's just 'cause we love pretending, but my fiance and I keep things spicy by role ourselves. But as our future selves, or as our younger selves. We'll spend a whole day pretending we met and hooked up under completely different circumstances, but because we don't have to take on totally new roles (I mean, really, I'd have no idea what to do as a naughty nurse, and he's a teacher in real life, so we don't want to bring that into our sex) we find we can be adventurous in a totally comfortable way. One of our favorite things to do is to pretend we are just friends, with secret crushes we're both too scared to admit. We'll spend the whole day, shopping, or taking in a movie or pizza, hinting at our "crush" but never saying it openly. Since we're "just friends" we can't be affectionate as we usually would be, and so by the end of the day, we're so glad when one of us decides to end the platonic relationship with a hot, desperate kiss. During sex, we pretend it's our first time all over again. We love this because we get to feel those nervous first time jitters all over again. -Ashley

WINNER: The thing that keeps me and my boyfriend glued together, is that even when my libido feels low, I remember that I fancy him. And I think that seems to be the key to our relationship. It sounds simple, because it is; it's so simple, it's something that get's overlooked quite a lot. I'll sit/lie/lounge/kneel there, and just look at him, and think about how attractive he is, and why, and it reminds me that I want to keep him around. So when we've been in a "slump" (quotemarks because the sex is still fantastic) and only been having sex in the same few positions, moods, and styles, I'll remember how it was when we first met, and decide to seduce him again. Not with lingerie nessecarily, but I'll let go like I've been in a drought, and he's a one-night stand, or I'll make certain sly faces at him whilst he's doing something important, or we'll be doing something domestic so I'll let my skirt ride up a little bit more and shift over to him. The kinds of things that you do when you know you need to try a little to get into someone's pants. But rather than going through the motions, I'll think about all the sex I used to have, and what I did then; adding in things I tried out years ago, or making him become slightly unavailable again in my mind. Because that's sort of the point. When I remember that he doesn't have to be having fantastic sex with me, and I don't know if I could have this fantastic sex with someone else - he's raised the bar when I think about some past encounters - it makes me want to have him more. - Laithia


morning_after_shock.jpgHappy Holidays everybody! In the new year you can find us at -- be sure to bookmark it!

Okay, we know we told you not to impulse-shop for a significant other at this time of year (a puppy is for life, not just for Christmas, blah blah blah), but we also know what the combination of mistletoe and eggnog does to people, which means that 'tis the season for ill-advised one-night stands. Thus, we thought it was a good time to remind everyone to mind their one-night stand manners. Last month we told you how to have a one-night stand--this month we'll tell you how to leave that one-night stand.

So, this guy friend of ours once took a brand-new ladyfriend home on New Year's Eve. The connection was immediate, the ensuing flirtation deliberate, the innuendos kinky, the sex kinkier. They kissed sloppily, fumbled with zippers, mussed up each other's hair. It was a perfectly debauched interlude. But in the thirty seconds between rolling over and passing out, this dude experienced that oh-so-familiar panic attack: What will she expect of me in the morning? When he awoke to a hangover and the sun streaming in around nine, he reluctantly opened one eye to check on his bedmate. But she had vanished. The only sign that he'd even entertained company the previous evening was the slightly ajar front door. "I felt so used," he is fond of saying--not entirely ruefully--when he tells this story at dinner parties. "I suppose I would have appreciated a note, but her leave-taking did have a certain dramatic flair." ...

The end of the year (and the beginning of the next) is the perfect time to head to your gyno for a check-up, if you're due for one. Think of it as getting a clean bill of sexual health as you enter 2009. Here are five things that you should consider asking your gyno about in your 20 minute visit:

  • STD testing. Don't assume that you'll get tested for "everything." Your gyno can do cervical (or urine) cultures for chlamydia and gonorrhea, vaginal tests for trichomonas, and blood tests for HIV, syphilis and hepatitis--all upon request.
  • Pap smear need. Unless you've had a recent abnormal pap, you can ask your gyno if you really need one. The latest recommendations call for a pap every two to three years.
  • Period relief. If you're beset with awful cramps or heavy bleeding every month, ask about ways to improve your periods. It may be a birth control prescription, or as simple as a high-dose anti-inflammatory medication.
  • Contraception. Ask for a prescription with enough refills of your pill, patch or ring to last you the entire year. Your gyno can give you a script for a three-month supply at a time that you can mail in to save money, if your insurance company offers this option.
  • Prescriptions. If you have herpes or recurrent yeast infections, you can get an advance prescription for acyclovir, Valtrex or Diflucan to have on hand for your next infection.
And if you have a lot of questions, bring a written list. It's normal to completely forget your concerns once you're shivering in that thin gown.

12.23.2008  BY EM & LO

Happy Holidays! We'll be posting here this tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday, but come the new year you can find us at -- be sure to bookmark it!

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the question, If your partner gave you a serious striptease with a serious striptease face and cheesy music, would it really be the best present ever or would it be kinda weird and uncomfortable?:

Straight Single Guy (Max):
A serious striptease requires two things. First, there cannot be cheesy music. Barry White makes me laugh. He does not turn me on. Traditional "sexy" music like that isn't very serious. Using it would probably just be weird and uncomfortable. Give me my favorite music, or perhaps our favorite music. Second, just like a strip bar, I cannot be allowed to touch. This means that I must be tied down, pinned down or somehow unable to simply grab her once she begins to undress. (Unlike a strip bar however, bouncers are a bad idea). The whole appeal of stripping is the tease, and we men have very little self control. You know this: Once one piece of clothing comes off, we're prone to rip the rest of it off as well. A striptease where the timetable is entirely decided upon by the girl stripping... Yeah. That could actually be the best thing ever.

Gay Committed Guy (Terence):
I gotta go with an emphatic no on the partner striptease. I feel terrible about it. I should be thrilled by the idea, right?. Then I think, what if my neighbor did one for me? Oh yeah, that'd be hot. So my rudimentary scientific method tells me that stripteases get me going when I don't know the person all that well. Then again, when I think of my boss and a couple co-workers whom I don't know all too well, I come up with a  revised theory: stripteases get my juices flowing when I don't the person all that well, but want to get to know them in bed. That's it. With my partner I'd be, like, oh please. But now here's a little twist. If my partner were to seriously strip my clothes off me with or without a serious face and cheesy music, I'd probably cream my pants before my socks got pulled off.

Straight Married Guy (Matt):
I think it depends on the partner. If my partner was super embarrassed, I would probably find it super embarrassing. If they felt empowered and just went with it, it could be hot, I guess. The biggest problem with these things--for me, anyway--is that it immediately makes me think of something women learn from daytime know, "10 Sure-Fire Ways to Spice Up Your Ice-Cold Love Life" and so on.  An ex-girlfriend of mine once dressed up in lingerie to surprise me with a little routine, but it was during a very depressing point near the end of the relationship, and the whole thing just felt a little sad and contrived. So maybe that experience has soured me on the concept, but it's not a fantasy I'm particularly yearning to live out.

Our "guys" are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week they're all a little shy.

12.22.2008  BY EM & LO

As of January 2nd, we've got new digs! The url will no longer work, but you'll be able to find the same kind of daily advice, horoscopes, polls, surveys, news, raves and rants about sex & relationships you've come to know and lust here over at We're currently redecorating the place to make it more blogga-friendly, but by the new year we'll be all set up to have guests over. We hope you'll come on by for a site-warming soon after New Year's and then keep dropping in whenever you like!

bride_groom.jpgVery rarely are other people's dreams interesting...except when they're about sex. This week dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg helps a woman on the verge of a nervous one-night stand:

In my waking life, my boyfriend and I are very happy but we are separated by almost 500 miles.  We're getting engaged before the end of the year, and both of us are very committed to our monogamous relationship. But for the past 2 or 3 nights in a row, I've dreamt my boyfriend (almost fiance) and I are in the process of splitting up (it's never been clear if we've actually made the split, or are still discussing it).  Always, I'm in a situation where my boyfriend isn't there, and I have the urge to have a one-night-stand (or one-quickie-over-lunch-stand) with a really attractive person. I know the people I want to have the fling with in my waking life, but these are men that I would never consider sleeping with. One is a student (I'm a graduate TA teaching undergrads) and the other is a bad-news-bear of a friend. In my dreams, I either sleep with these men (and it's really good) or I really strongly consider it, weighing the consequences with my boyfriend. I would like to know if this dream has a hidden meaning or am I just dreaming.

Is she having second thoughts about getting married (or having sex with with only one person for the rest of her life)? Find out after the jump (right after you send us your own dreams!):

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
No, auld acquaintance be called up,
It's ex-booty time!

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Oh! You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
We're telling you why:
Someone special's coming to town!

They'll spoon you when you're sleeping,
They'll screw when you're awake.
They'll spank you just because you're good,
So be good for sex's sake!

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
City sidewalks, busy sidewalks,
Dressed in holiday style.
In the air,
There's a feeling,
of Dionysus.
People laughing,
Strangers passing,
Meeting stare after stare.
And on ev'ry street corner you'll hear,

"Hey, hot-stuff!" "Hey, hot-stuff!"
"I want to lick your big booty."
"You're a doll," hear them call,
Soon it will be Christmas lay.


A portrait of Freud by Edward W. Eichel

In our recent post "How to...Master the Coital Alignment Technique," we casually mentioned Edward W. Eichel, basically the discoverer of the CAT position whose landmark study "The Technique of Coital Alignment and Its Relation to Female Orgasmic Response and Simultaneous Orgasm" was published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy (Vol. 14, No.2, Summer 1988).
And then the dude himself posted in the comments! So we took the opportunity to get him to give us even more details on the ins and outs of the old, or rather, the new in-and-out:

You are the first person to put a name to and publish research about the Coital Alignment Technique -- how did that happen?

In the late 1960s I read about Sigmund Freud's so-called "orgasm theory": Intercourse had to be perfect for the man and FOR THE WOMAN, or the sex act would cause anxiety and depression. From his writing, it seems likely that Freud had the perfect experience himself -- but he was on cocaine, so he never had much to say about the "how-to" of doing it.

So did you have the perfect experience yourself....?

I happened on to the CAT spontaneously in my sex life; it was simply a matter of tuning in to the most intense sensation. When I had the experience of CAT, I was ecstatic. Like Dr. Frankenstein -- I had discovered the secret of life! So, I became a psychotherapist and dedicated my life to the big O.

Both pioneer sex researchers, and women who reported orgasm from intercourse in modern day studies, noted features of what I termed CAT, but no one was clear enough about the specifics of technique to be able to help others get there. So, applying my fine arts background, I spent a few years analyzing and animating medical drawings until I was able to define the technique of the no-hands orgasm well enough to provide the long missing instruction. As noted in your book The Big Bang, I should have gotten the Nobel Prize. But instead, psychiatrists -- in the pay of Big Pharma -- gathered their forces and tried to burn down the castle. The new intercourse was a cure for the most classic sex problems -- and, it got people to Nirvana without drugs.

What makes the CAT so good?

12.19.2008  BY EM & LO
The "Sex in Space" episode of the series The Universe on The History Channel this Saturday, Dec 20, at 3:00 p.m. (unfortunately, the afternoon airing does not bode well for titillation):
As man moves to colonize the cosmos, the realities of sexual relationships and reproduction need to be addressed. Probe the physiological, psychological and cultural challenges of sex in space. From the sex act through birth, look at how the extreme environments of space exploration might affect copulation, conception and developing human tissues, as well as how issues around sex might impact the emotional lives of astronauts. Get to the bottom of the rumors to find out if space sex has already happened, and look at how the burgeoning space tourism business may soon lead to a boom in space sex. --The History Channel

[via BoingBoing]

Ask Em & Lo
In need of some sex-related advice?
Email [email protected].

The Doctor Is In
Got a sexual health question?
Ask [email protected].

Do Before You Die
Office sex, public sex, group sex -- tell us
what you'd like to try someday at
[email protected].

A Day in the Life...
Got a job or hobby that gives you a unique
perspective on sex and dating?
Email [email protected].

Sex Dream Analysis
Get your nocturnal fantasies expertly
analyzed at [email protected].

Anonymity always honored!

[Body By Glamour ad]

Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

Check out Daily Bedpost on