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Advice from three of our guy friends. A few weeks ago, they answered the question Do guys like their backdoor knocked on? This week, they tackle the follow-up How best to go about getting a reluctant boyfriend to "open up" his backdoor?

Straight Married Guy (Ben): Appeal to his ego. Really, I think that most guys' reluctance comes from the "penetration" part of it--not the "anal." We're so used to doing the fucking, to being on top of the sexual dynamic, and you're asking him to get fucked. It's all wrapped up in notions of power and machismo, so tell him how hot he'd look with your fingers (or dildo) in his ass. How crazy you'll go for him. How he'll be the biggest, baddest, most macho stud alive. How it will make his dick look bigger. Whatever. Then--and this is crucial--continue the positive power talk both during the act and afterwards. He's going to feel vulnerable, so follow though. Make him feel powerful, sexy, virile--so manly--and he'll probably never notice how much you've opened up your sexual dynamic.

Straight Single Guy (Colin): I don't think your guy's bum is ever going to be ready for a full-on sneak attack, but if you take baby steps to anal play during some other interaction he's more likely to go with the flow. Play with his balls and after a while find your way to massaging his perineum. The next step is the risky one, but it's time to start playing with his anus. As long as you're doing a good job up front (with your mouth or hand) the back is only going to add a new level of sensation. But to really get in there you're going to need to lubricate your finger, ideally with your favorite brand of lube. You're going to have to get it pretty slippery before he's going to like it stuck anywhere it hasn't been before. If he's hesitant let him know it turns you on and that it's supposed to feel really good for him. And know of course, that there should be reciprocation if he pleases.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): I've heard (more than once) that gay guys like getting fingered, but straight guys LOVE it. If he's reluctant it might be due to, shall we say, hygiene, so taking a shower together can be a good way to get things going. Maybe it's not the most practical place to seal the deal with full-on fingering--since you really should use lube, and soap can be irritating up there--but it's a good excuse to get in the vicinity if your guy is shy. Instead of water-based lube, use silicone lube, which won't wash away as easily.

Our "guys" are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week's Straight Single Guy is our former uber-intern, Colin Adamo, and our Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles--check out his new website, AdultParlorGames.com. Our committed gay guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC who asked us to file him under "shy."


1 Comments

anonymous said:

wrong wrong wrong. just toss the guy's salad. he'll be begging for more in no time.

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

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