Happy Holidays everybody! We'll be posting here until Wednesday, but come the new year you can find us at EMandLO.com -- be sure to bookmark it!

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Oh, this really cracks us up. The stars have a teeny-tiny recommendation for you this week: "Look for someone who can dazzle your mind and challenge your every thought." Yeah, like it's really that easy. No big deal, right? Geez, and all this time we've been chasing dullards with no sex appeal. How come no one told us we should chase the catch of the day? Well, Aries, before you get all cocky like us, stop and think for a second: When was the last time you really went after someone you wanted bad, someone you thought you couldn't get? Are you settling to avoid rejection? Do we sound like your shrink yet? Have you called your mother lately? Your New Year's resolution: Shoot for the moon and maybe you'll end up shagging a little star. And call your mother.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
When we look at your week, Taurus, one phrase comes to mind: "Charming the pants off." 'Tis the season for you to be getting boo-tay! And it's not just 'cause everyone's too drunk to care who they get lucky with, we swear. You're sparkling like your jacket is lined with Christmas lights, and everyone's going to be lining up to sit on your knee and whisper what they really want for the holidays in your ear. Turns out Santa didn't put out this year--but on New Year's Eve, you can make up for that. Your New Year's resolution: Let it all flow--the booze, the compliments, the sweet talking. Just let it flow. And carry condoms everywhere.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
To paraphrase a line from one of Lo's favorite movies, The Four Seasons: "Your thoughts are like gumballs that just drop down from your brain onto your tongue." To put it less delicately, you've got diarrhea of the mouth when it comes your romantic emotions. Your New Year's resolution: Remove feet from your diet completely. However, you can put a sock in it. Socks are okay.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
The stars say that "You'll be in the groove and making a move this week." Hey, the stars are a poet and they don't even know it! Your New Year's resolution: Make sure you've got a fabulous party to attend and aren't wasting all that grooviness on dancing with yourself. Oh, oh, oh, dancing with yourself.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
You'll be very popular this week--we're talking Jonah Brothers popular, J. Lo popular, even Chia Pet popular. You just have to get out and mingle. That means going to every New Year's party you were invited to, as well as the one you wish you were invited to. Your New Year's resolution: Party like it's 1999!

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
This week, you'll have more energy than a brand new puppy waiting for his walk. And you know how some people are dog people and others would rather piss on a fire hydrant in public than show a canine a little love? Well, the same goes for you: Your crotch-sniffing, drippy tongue act will be a little much for all the wrong people. But there's one special person out there who's going to just love it, and it's gonna be just like that spaghetti scene in The Lady and the Tramp. Ain't puppy love grand? Your New Year's resolution: If you sense a kindred spirit in the room, go straight for the crotch. And stay off the furniture.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
You are wise to question your motives this week when it comes to love: Self-deception is likely. Whoever you are interested in will probably give you a false impression. Love triangles may cause problemos. Your New Year's resolution: Give up geometry. You were never good at math.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
In Pedro Almodóvar's Talk to Her (his perviest, most disturbing--yet somehow sweet--film), a man is asked, "Are you single?" and he responds, "Yes, I'm alone." Which is kind of how you've been feeling lately: "One is the loneliest number," and all that claptrap that seems so much more depressing when you don't have a date for New Year's Eve. But maybe your attitude isn't helping. You're not alone, you're number one! Your New Year's resolution: When you meet a hottie, focus on flirting, not gut-spilling. Save the woe-is-me for the second date.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Your daisy-petal-picking technique for making important romantic decisions is getting old fast. Your wishy-washy behavior will turn the person you've been hanging out with running in the other direction. Your New Year's resolution: Grow a spine.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Don't be so argumentative all the time. It's the holidays--everyone's too stuffed with turkey and eggnog to give a shit about your debate-of-the-week right now. Can't you just drop all the "issues" for a few days and think about getting laid like the rest of us? Your New Year's resolution: Have another glass of wine and stay a while. Have you ever danced on a bar-top? Now is as good a time as any.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
You know those conversations, four gin-and-tonics into the evening, where the words are slightly slurred but the sentiment is completely sincere? When you tell your friend, "I thought you hated me when we first met!" and she replies "I did!" (Truth serum, dude.) Well, you'll be bonding with people like this all week, except you won't need the Dutch courage. It might result in a brand-new friendship, it might result in a lurve connection, and then again, it might result in a punch in the face. But a black eye lasts only a week whereas true wuv is forever (or at least until New Year's Eve)--so isn't it worth the risk? Your New Year's resolution: Just burn the patchouli incense and tell it like it is, man.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
We see someone in your past. Our crystal ball is a little on the hazy side (or maybe that's just our hangovers), but it looks like this someone could be an ex. It's definitely someone you're still a little hung up on. Oh wait...the crystal ball is kind of clearing up a little...man, this someone is hot! It's time you resolved your feelings for this someone once and for all. Best-case scenario will be like one of those Meg Ryan vehicles where you finally figure out you were right for each all along, you just needed time, maturity, and a romantic encounter on top of the Empire State Building. Worst-case scenario will be realizing that life isn't like a Meg Ryan vehicle and you still haven't found your one-and-only. And someone in the middle there is the chance that you'll get to have great ex sex. Your New Year's resolution: Look up that one-who-got-away on Facebook.

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

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