John Mayer, Playa (Photo via Splash)

An article by iVillage/AskMen.com, from their "Inside the Men's Locker Room" series (gag us with a jock strap), attempts to explain why men love casual relationships "and why you might too!" Except that the advice is about as reflective of real-life as Bush's "Mission Accomplished" banner. Let's break it down:
1. According to the dudes in the locker room, "Casual sex-only flings never end up [in a nasty split]; you may break up, but you do so with a wan 'oh well' grin rather than a 'God, I hate you' glare." Riiiiiight. Show us a booty caller who's never broken a heart and we'll show you our unicorn...

In honor of the last week of Orgasm Month, we advise one O-less gal on how to make the earth move:

Dear Em and Lo,

I am a sophomore in college, and I've been with the same spectacular guy since I was 14. After years together (no on-and-off nonsense) I still have the major hots for him, and I think he is the most attractive piece of ass on earth.

We didn't have sex until our third year together, and we were both virgins. At that point though, the relationship was long-distance, so we didn't have sex more than 10 times per year, though we started phone sex very early in our relationship. I'm talking like 15 years old. What can I say? We were precocious. And very, very horny...

Photo via Splash

Dear Em and Lo,
 
I dated a man for a year. This was the first serious relationship for both of us, even though we're well out of the college years and are both approaching 30. I recently met his family for Christmas and they loved me. I've been hanging out with them for birthdays and holidays since. We broke up two weeks ago, which was a total shock to me. We both decided to remain friends and we both consider each other our best friend. Well last week, I found out my now ex-boyfriend went to a bar with some co-workers last month (when we were still together) and received a lap dance and exchanged numbers with a girl from the place we both work. I confronted him and her about it. She said it was just all in fun and that she's not interested in him. He told me that he likes her and, as his best friend, he wanted to know if he should date her. I told him no, mostly because what kind of girl would give a lap dance to a guy with a girlfriend, and why go out with her so soon after we broke up? Do you think I should just let him go and move on or should I still be his best friend and try to work things out between us?
 
--Confused

Dear Confused,

We'll tell you what you're confused about: the concept of best friendship. Here's some things we know about being best friends:

1. You don't become best friends in two weeks unless you're in second grade and you shake pinkies on it.

2. To become great friends with an ex takes at least as long as the time you dated.

3. The only reason Demi and Bruce can make it work is that they both date hottie bimbos/himbos a few decades their junior.

As you may remember, Glamour took some of our advice in their recent Q&A on orgasms. This week, in honor of Orgasm Month, we'll give you ALL of it...because a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste. Today you get two questions for the price of one: neither of these made the final cut in print. (Tune in tomorrow for the final question):

I feel really self-conscious when I climax, worried about noises or the embarrassing face I'm making.  How can I get over myself and loosen up?

As you may remember, Glamour took some of our advice in their recent Q&A on orgasms. This week, in honor of Orgasm Month, we'll give you ALL of it...because a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste. Here's today's question (tune in tomorrow for the next):

It takes me forever to have an orgasm. How can I speed things up for me (and slow things down for my partner)?