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 We met Wendy Strgar (pictured above with her husband) at a Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality convention a few years ago. She had a booth for her Good Clean Love brand of oils and lubes. They smelled great. But what really got our attention was Wendy herself: charming, goofy and completely earnest about "making love sustainable" (a tag line of hers). Within five minutes, she had us believing in what Huey Lewis would call the power of love. Check out her newsletters, her blog, and even her recent article on RealitySandwich.com (which has gotten a lot of feedback) and see if you don't feel the love, too. Em & Lo: What's your philosophy? Wendy Strgar: I believe in love. I believe it has the power to transform our lives and by so doing, change the world. Love is an action verb, and hard work at that, but taking the time and courage to learn how to love better and more is the reason we are alive. Good Clean Love is dedicated to Making Love Sustainable because our relationships and families are the most essential natural resource we have to living a healthy and satisfying life. Love filled sexuality is a mystery of epic proportions. It is the only act at our disposal that so completely connects us, that it transforms us and gives us the courage and tenacity to keep the rest of our relationship moving forward. When did you launch Good Clean Love and why? This is a family business, which was created in 2003 to meet the personal intimacy needs in my own marriage of 24 years. Our products saved my marriage by eliminating the pain that occurred with intimacy and helping me to realize that it was through physically loving my husband that we discovered again the power of love to heal and unite us as a couple. All of our products were developed with this goal in mind, creating healthy and natural ingredient-based products that make love accessible in relationships. Do you think there are some people who simply can't commit to monogamy for life? Some are predisposed to it, and others are better off as serial monogamists? 
 We met professional "bad boy" Steve Santagati when we appeared with him on the Today Show to discuss dating issues with Al Roker. He said ridiculous things we totally disagreed with, and yet we were still charmed. Since then, whenever we turn on the TV he's there, offering up his 2-minute "bad boy" perspective on talk shows (Oprah) and news shows (CNN) about topics ranging from Britney to polygamy. You can find him on AskSteveSantagati.com dishing advice, selling his "Bad Boy" T-shirts and offering bad boy makeovers for women--all without irony, bless him. His book, The MANual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top, comes out in paperback late May. Em & Lo: Define "bad boy": Steve Santagati: A guy who is unapologetically male, loves women and understands how they think, and is only happy when he's being mischievous. Describe a typical day as a "bad boy." Flirt with about ten different girls via email, flirt with about 20 more at the place he gets coffee, the gym, and everywhere in between. Note: the women can be young, old, fat or skinny...it doesn't matter as long as they're women. Later that night he decides "whose turn it is" and meets up with her. What about the notion that women have flings with bad boys but fall in love with nice guys? Women fall in love with bad boys just as often but rarely understand how we think so they end up losing us. Women will never love "nice guys"...they will, instead, love "good guys" with an edge. Is it possible to be a bad boy and a nice guy at the same time?...
 We wish we could serve you some wine with the cheese of the above photo. It was the only one we could find for the International Lingerie Show, held last week in--where else?--Vegas, baby. When we heard the folks at Vibratex (the makers of the Rabbit) were going, we asked Stephanie K. there to give us the scoop when they all got back. What was the scene like? A bunch of booths with all sex-related paraphernalia? Fashion shows? Events? Talks? The show is in a ballroom, with booths ranging from pleasure toys and Shirley of Hollywood lingerie (60 years in business this year) to stripper shoes you could ALMOST wear on a night out and pretty sparkly pasties; there is a fashion show one evening (I missed it this time) that is always a big hit with coventioneers from other venues; there was a seminar headed up by the HPPPA (Home Pleasure Party Plan Association) involving demonstrations with a blow up doll and a lovely stuffed vagina. Co-founder Shay Martin of Vibratex was the best speaker, of course. Who is the quintessential attendant at a show like this?
 We once met up with fellow sex writer Emily Dubberley in a London pub, talked shop, and got pissed together, as the Brits say. She's a hoot. She's also a machine, with a whopping 14 books about sex under her young belt. In addition to founding Cliterati.co.uk, she also co-launched the British women's sex mag Scarlet (after renaming from its working title of Peach--as she explained to the boss, "It sounds like a spanking magazine!"). Her latest work is The Ex Factor: Relationship Baggage and How to Deal with It, out in the States this May. Is sex like pizza, even when it's bad it's good? Oh no. Bad sex is like a dodgy kebab--it can leave you feeling nauseous and regretting a drunken decision the morning after. Good sex is like a gourmet meal--or sometimes, fast food when you're starving. Sometimes all you need is something filling inside you. How does your work affect your sex life?...
 Author, Sex Educator & Porn Producer Website: Puckerup.com Education: Phi Beta Kappa, Wesleyan University Columnist: The Village Voice and Hustler's Taboo Magazine Honors: Her book The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women was Amazon.com's #1 Bestseller in Women's Sex Instruction in 1998. Latest Book: Down and Dirty Sex Secrets: The New and Naughty Guide to Being Great in Bed Latest Directorial Project: "Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Oral Sex" Factoid: We first saw Tristan about ten years ago giving a talk on sex in NYC during which she had a volunteer from the audience insert a butt plug in her while she continued with the lecture. Oh, and Thomas Pynchon's her uncle. Em & Lo: How and why did you get into a sex-related career? Did you ever have another direction you thought your future career might take? Tristan Taormino: I was supposed to go to law school. Is sex like pizza, even when it's bad it's good? Why or why not? I'm from New York, so bad pizza is really, really bad and makes me wish I never took a bite. How does your work affect your sex life?...
 Baby-faced Brit Justin Ribeiro dos Santos is one of the nicest guys in porn you'll ever met. Actually, he's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet, period: he's polite, he's in a healthy stable relationship, and he's close with his mum (in fact, she's typed up some of his porn scripts for him)--not exactly the image that comes to mind when you think "adult film producer." But take one look at the mission statement of his company, Joybear Pictures, and you know his heart is definitely in the right place: Fact: Most women don't like it when a guy comes all over their face. Fact: Most women don't just want pounding anal sex. Fact: Most women find porn-stars unconvincing and unappealing...The biggest problem for women is most of the material available just doesn't hit the spot. Passionless performances, cringe-worthy soundtracks, and tasteless branding all rank high on the long list of porn turn-offs. In our films we try really hard to remove the sleaze and instead focus on capturing sexually charged moments for your enjoyment.His DVDs are only available in the U.K., but you Yanks can download them from Joybear.co.uk. Em & Lo: Describe for us a typical work day for you (when you get up, things you might do during the day, meetings you might have, etc.). Justin of Joybear: Normally, before a shoot, I conduct castings to meet the talent and make sure that they're not hiding any crazy scars or shark bites that I should be aware of. One day, my other half was working from home, which coincided with a casting. The male performer asked her if she'd prefer him with or without an erection. You see, people in my industry are so accommodating! If I'm not shooting then typically I get up, feed Sprat (the cat), change her litter, make Tan (the girlfriend) a cup of tea, change her litter (just kidding), do some laundry and prepare breakfast for us both before a long day in the office--that's right...the crazy life of a porn baron. What do you think would surprise people most about your day job?...
 Us with Carol at Good Vibrations in San Francisco during our first book tour in 2003. As a teenager, Carol Queen talked about sex and had it whenever possible. As a college student, she appeared on LGBT panels in health classes, and then worked as an AIDS educator. It was this work that made her turn pro: "Knowing that a career in sex ed and sex advocacy truly meant life-or-death change was all the nudge I needed." So she moved to San Francisco, got a doctorate in sexology, worked at The Lusty Lady and then Good Vibrations (where she's currently the staff sexologist), and generally immersed herself in the sexual communities as much as possible. She's written and edited a mountain of sex/erotic books, including Exhibitionism for the Shy (which she's currently updating for a reprint) and her latest, More 5 Minute Erotica, to say nothing of her explicit educational videos (surely you've heard of Bend-Over-Boyfriend). She's on the board of the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, which advances sexual freedom as a fundamental human right. Oh, and she co-founded the Center for Sex & Culture in San Francisco, which holds events like the upcoming "Personal Thinking Patterns and Sex: The Awakened Mindfuck with Heron Saline" and "Advanced Nude Yogaplay for Men" (and is made possible by supporters like you, hint hint). Carol is the nicest and most knowledgeable sex freak you'll ever meet! Em & Lo: What did you want to be when you grew up? Carol Queen: When I was a kid I wanted to be an archaeologist, then a writer (which I am, but it took me a while to figure out sex was what I wanted to write about), and just before I gave myself to sexology, I was hot to do historic preservation architecture. Is sex like pizza, even when it's bad it's good? Why or why not? Bad sex is better than bad pizza in at least one respect: it's educational. How does your work affect your sex life?
 We recently had a chance to talk with Glamour contributor and MSNBC's Sexploration columnist Brian Alexander about his new book America Unzipped, which chronicles his cross-country travels measuring the tension between the sexual extremes of experimentation and repression. We also talked about his too-tight PVC pants. Em & Lo: In your travels across the country, what was...the most shocking thing you witnessed? Brian Alexander: If shocking means "surprising," it was the love, sex and marriage seminar given by Joe Beam, former Church of Christ preacher and frequent radio guest of fundamentalist firebrand James Dobson. Those of us who are not evangelicals have a stereotyped view of the beliefs about sex that exist among many Christian believers. I wasn't expecting a vivid lesson on 69, but I got it. | ||
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