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Bald eagles usually mate for life.

Yesterday we interviewed Alison Tyler about her new book, Never Have the Same Sex Twice: A Guide for Couples. Today, you have a chance to win that book! To enter our Never Have the Same Sex Twice Contest, send your own "hot monogamy" tip to [email protected] with subject line "hot monogamy contest" by December 17th (make sure to include your mailing address, and how you'd like to be identified online). We'll post our favorites before the new year and the two best ones will each win a copy of Tyler's book. Because no New Year's resolution can top "Never have the same sex twice"...

Alison Tyler has edited more than forty-five books of erotica, but perhaps more impressive than that is the fact that she's been married for 15 years and says that her relationship is still "filled with extreme, kinky, varied, crazy, never-have-the-same-sex-twice sort of sex." For both feats, we reckon she deserves some sort of medal. Her latest book is Never Have the Same Sex Twice: A Guide for Couples, which features advice, stories from her own life,  plus some of her favorite erotica from over the years...

After 45 books of erotica, what made you decide to write a how-to book?
In a way, all of my collections are how-to's, sexy jumping-off points for readers who might want to "try this at home." If you flipped open G is for Games, you could be inspired to try your own version of sexy Twister, featured in Madelynne Ellis's "No Limits." (At least, you could be if you were me.) Or if you paged through Love at First Sting, you might just consider buying a handful of colored ribbons and tying up your partner, like in Sommer Marsden's "She Looked Good in Ribbons." Writing an actual guide was a natural next step.
You've been married for 15 happy, monogamous years. How was the sex changed over the years?
We got together in an incredibly steamy, succulent situation, and the sex has only gotten hotter. Right after we met, Sam left for six months of rescue work in the former Soviet Union. (When he said he was going to Georgia, I honestly thought, well, that's not too far away. I can visit. I didn't know he meant Georgia, the Republic of Georgia.) So we spent months emailing each other these ultra-decadent fantasies, and ultimately calling and spending $12 a minute to talk on a satellite phone. Pretty expensive phone sex.

I think the fact that we know each other so well now, and that we trust each other implicitly, is what makes the sex exciting. That and the bottle of Wesson oil by the bedside. ...

Saucy Brit Emily Dubberley is a Daily Bedpost fave (who can drink both of us under the table). Her latest book, Ultimate Burlesque, is steamy, instructional, and it's raising money for breast cancer. Plus, this prolific sex writer once performed a burlesque in honor of her Rabbit vibrator. Don't you wanna be her best friend?

What is burlesque, and how does it differ from striptease?
Burlesque means parody, it doesn't have to involve nudity, and it's performed by women of all shapes and sizes. However, it often does involve removal of clothes, so "striptease with a sense of humor" is probably the best description.

Have you ever performed a burlesque?
Yes, for a magazine article. I danced to "At Last" by Phoebe Snow--my act was a love song to my Jessica Rabbit vibrator, as the opening line of the song is, "At last my true love has come along" (you had to be there!). Having done a striptease in front of 500 people, despite my cellulite and general lack of dancing ability, I know from personal experience that it's a kick hearing people cheer as you disrobe: sexiness is about attitude, not physical perfection.

10.09.2008  BY EM & LO

We just wanted to keep riding the vagina power wave that started yesterday with our advice to the woman worried about her "ugly" vagina. And ever since yesterday's post on the evils of douching, we've been searching for our old worn and torn copy of Tom Robbins' Even Cowgirls Get the Blues so we could show you the best excerpt on vajayjay acceptance ever. Lo even memorized it in college, she thought it was so good (ah, liberal arts). Well, we found it! In it (spoiler alert), the psychiatrist and personal advisor of "the Countess," the misogynist gay male head of a feminine douche company, orders him to dissolve the biz and go to work as an orderly in the maternity ward of a charity hospital. Read it, love it, live it! (And boys, we promise some posts on penis power coming soon.):

American Wife
is the third novel by Curtis Sittenfeld, whose debut novel was the very excellent (and bestselling) Prep, a tale of East Coast boarding school angst. American Wife also takes place amongst the East Coast buttoned-down set, except this time it's a novel based very obviously on the life of Laura Bush. In particular, it examines exactly what a woman like Laura (Alice, in the novel) could possibly see in a man like George (Charlie Blackwell, in this case). The answer is both more complicated and convincing than we were expecting. Sure, at times the novel feels like a puppet show--an excuse for Sittenfeld, a self-confessed bleeding heart liberal, to foist her own opinions on these characters, even when it feels clunky or pat. But then again, we guess that's a novelist's prerogative.

The book is engrossing in a gossipy sense--who doesn't want to know what's behind Mrs. Bush's serene appearance?--and to two fellow bleeding heart liberals, it's also a little terrifying--because Sittenfeld's novel does a pretty good job of answering the question, What does she see in him? Turns out it has more to do with his penis than his policies. (So who knows what excuse the people who voted for him had...)

In an excerpt after the jump, check out what happens the first time Alice and Charlie have sex--on their first date, let it be noted. Turns out the leader of the free world has a cute butt...

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a prolific producer of erotica anthologies--the last time we spoke with her, we marveled that she was the editor of not one but two anthologies just on spanking alone. Well, turns out that she still had more to show and tell when it comes to spanking, because she just put out her third anthology on the topic: Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. We figured it was about time with sat down with Rachel for a good ol' natter about the art of spanking.

What makes a good spanking story?

Buildup and anticipation. You have to show the reader why the person wants to spank or be spanked, what about their partner drew them in; is it a case of them just needing to be spanked, or is there something about this particular person that makes them want to bend over? Creativity is key too; there are so many ways you can get spanked, so many implements and scenarios. Yes, some may be clichéd (schoolgirl, punishment, etc.) but even those you can add new life into if you do it right.

This is your third spanking anthology! Is there really that much to say about spanking?

I think spanking is so varied because it touches on the physical and emotional, and each encounter is different.

So what's the physical appeal of spanking?

I'm not a doctor so I don't know exactly, but for some people the charge they get from being spanked turns them on, plain and simple. Everything from the positioning (bent over, for example) to the way the spanking impacts your genitals, can cause arousal. For me, it's one of the fastest ways to get me close to orgasm, and that happens very quickly--not every single time, but if the other person is into it and we're connecting on that kinky level, yes.

After the jump: D.I.Y. spanking props, spanking roleplaying, and the spanking "sweet spot," oh my!...

If you're a regular reader, then you'll know that we're huge fans of Feministing (even if we do wish that the site's name didn't always make us think of fisting). So how could we not love founder Jessica Valenti's new book, He's a Stud, She's a Slut? Sure, some of the double standards she includes might seem a little tired (like "He's a Bachelor, She's a Spinster"), but that's kind of the whole point, isn't it? It only seems tired because we're sick and tired of the fact that it's still freakin' true. Other double standards include "He's Pussy Whipped, She's a 'Good Girlfriend,'" "He's an Activist, She's a Pain in the Ass," "He's a Celeb, She's a Mess," and a bunch of other stuff guaranteed to get you all riled up. In honor of Lindsay Lohan's blossoming relationship with Samantha Ronson, we thought we'd excerpt from "He's Gay, She's a Fantasy," after the jump...

Photo via Splash

We finally got around to reading Ian McEwan's On Chesil Beach and we weren't disappointed: It's haunting and brilliant and just so beautifully written. It's also a 166-page meditation on just how bad things can get when you're deficient in both sex ed and foreplay. And also? It contains the most visceral, disturbing description of a kiss that we've ever read. It makes our list of the Top 10 Things You Never Want to Hear After a First Kiss sound like glowing compliments. It's meant to, of course--McEwan's just that good. We defy you to fully enjoy a French kiss in the 24 hours after reading this excerpt (after the jump). Consider it the BookRabbit edition of 2 Girls, 1 Cup. (We had to watch like three John Hughes movies just to get in a kissing mood again.) ...

07.17.2008  BY EM & LO

Kimberly Ford's new book, Hump: True Tales of Sex After Kids, comes out from St. Martin's Griffin today. The following excerpt is one such true tale about doing it for the very first time after two becomes three:

Nathan Armstrong Holt, 8 lbs., 6 oz., exited his mother's uterus on April 16, 1997. His parents might have known from the way Nathan refused to turn and get his big head down into his mother's pelvis, thus necessitating a cesarean section, that little Nate might not always--as is the case with every single child--cooperate.

Nathan's nonconformism didn't start with his refusal of a "normal" delivery. One could argue that his parents might have anticipated this hitch in their birthing expectations when their son's conception occurred only six months after their first date (a very sporty but never-to-be-repeated afternoon of Rollerblading on the idyllic palm-and-oak-studded Stanford campus where Nathan's parents were conspicuous not only for their coquettish though uncoordinated efforts at blading, but also because they were significantly older--forty-five and thirty-eight--than the students thronging White Plaza). Magical Rollerblading moments led to gourmet dinner dates, which led to conception after Nate's mom's diaphragm mysteriously flipped, ejecting its spermicidal jelly and letting all those little swimmers past. (Nate's mom will admit in secrecy that this was probably user error, but in the company of Nate's dad, she will tell you that it was her husband's massive organ and his sexual ingenuity that accounted for the flip.)...

07.16.2008  BY EM & LO
Between the States and Britain, only the U.K.--which dedicates miles of beautifully designed ad space to new and forthcoming books throughout its Underground subway system in London--could or would have a site dedicated to book nerds that's part bookstore, part book club and part dating site (though in typical reserved British fashion, it doesn't admit to this last service). is a new site that allows members (readers, authors, publishers) to find or promote favorite titles, with the top 100,000 available for purchase at prices cheaper than Instead of a sexy Photoshopped picture from ten years ago, members upload pix of their bookshelves to their profiles--aw yeah--in an effort to promote discussion and recommendations and, we think, love or lust relationships straight out of Wuthering Heights, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, or anything with Fabio on the cover....

Actually, what lives on a person's bookshelf can be pretty revealing of that person's personality, values, interests, even fantasies--maybe even more so than a personal ad they might write for themselves would be, since those often end up describing the person they wish they were rather than the person they are. You may not be able to judge a book by its cover, but you can certainly judge a person by the books they covet.

You just know the guy who has nothing but sci-fi on his shelf is either a virgin or a sub at the local fetish club who likes to go topless in leather pants and a studded collar. Could you really have anything in common with someone who owns Sting's memoir? The bookshelves that are neat and organized alphabetically suggest control freaks who think anal play is disgusting. The overflowing ones with no rhyme or reason might be the property of slightly spacey, arty types who'll take you for a rollercoaster ride and give you a decent neck rub on a date--or maybe they're just neurotic pack rats who can't get anything done, including finishing reading a book. Even the knick-knacks decorating the shelves are dead giveaways, i.e. stay away from the woman with the teddy bear on hers..

Ask Em & Lo
In need of some sex-related advice?
Email [email protected].

The Doctor Is In
Got a sexual health question?
Ask [email protected].

Do Before You Die
Office sex, public sex, group sex -- tell us
what you'd like to try someday at
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A Day in the Life...
Got a job or hobby that gives you a unique
perspective on sex and dating?
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Sex Dream Analysis
Get your nocturnal fantasies expertly
analyzed at [email protected].

Anonymity always honored!

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

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