We are so going to hell for laughing at this video, but you know what? It might actually be worth a trip to the underworld. The Jimmy Kimmel Live show pays tribute to the F.C.C. in a regular feature called "Unnecessary Censorship," which proves that the bleep is the dirtiest word of all. But this "Come and Play Edition" takes things to a whole new level of dirty. Sure, we figured that some pervs out there like to titter lasciviously at Elmo's ticklish spots, but finger-painting? We are scarred for life. And yet we cannot stop watching. It's almost enough to make us forget how sad we are that Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman are no longer an item. You guys, you took a little piece of our hearts when you broke up. But hey, at least we'll always have I'm Fucking Matt Damon and I'm Fucking Ben Affleck.

Um, is it us, or is this latest installment of Alexyss K. Tylor's Vagina Power series more toad-licking crazy than usual? She starts off fairly composed, especially during her pre-rant plug for her live Internet call-in show tomorrow, July 22nd, at 7:00 p.m. on Rapp City Radio on MySpace, but then quickly devolves into incoherent musings on sexcapades in mall bathrooms, or some shit like that. We played a drinking game where we had to do a shot every time she says the word "damn," but then had to be rushed to the hospital to have our stomachs pumped before the 9-minute video ended. Still, even though we don't know what the hell she was talking about and couldn't get through the whole thing, it's still a damn good damn time, damn it.

My Sexy Unboxing from keith on Vimeo. [via Fleshbot]

Despite writing about sex for a living, the two of us aren't big porn fans. No, the above video from MySexyUnboxing.com is just about our speed: it's got humor, no nudity, and something we can relate to. (Neither of us own iPhones...yet!)

Just as with a porn addiction, in which the consumer is increasingly dependent on the very latest in prurient material but never fully sated, so too do we techno geeks and gadget whores and "early adopters" become exponentially reliant on the newest, brightest, shiniest toys to supposedly make our lives more efficient and to convey a certain financial and/or in-the-know status, with constant upgrades compelling us to buy more and more crap. It's truly obscene. And yet, like sex, even some porno sex, there's beauty there, too. Come on, the iPhone is hot!

Well, this video brings these two worlds together. And you just know there are a few people out there who really truly get sexually turned while on watching it. First there were shoe fetishists, then latex fetishists, now we have Apple fetishists.

Thanks to our intern Kristel for introducing us to this classic MadTV skit on YouTube, which will bring joy to any woman who's ever been pursued by Mr. Persistent. (In addition to feeding us grapes and fluffing our pillows for our nightly pillow fights, our interns are excellent at helping us feel like we're still young and cool.) How can you not love a skit that includes lines like, "You being all selective 'cause you got a pony tail." Yeah, my little croissant.

Okay, this has nothing to do with sex. In fact, Matt Harding has virtually no sex appeal. One look at his utterly white, hipless dance moves and all porn-y thoughts go out the window. And yet, we defy you not to fall in love with him a little bit after checking out his recent, humongously popular video "Where the Hell Is Matt (2008)," in which he travels all over the world and films himself doing that same stupid dance in amazing locales--alone, with natives, with friends, with huge groups of people, even with one Korean military policeman who doesn't join in. Yes, there's a super cheesy song that goes along with it, but by the end you'll even love that a little too. Take Matt's sense of humor, his sense of adventure, his obvious people skills, his seeming lack of cynicism and you'll kinda wish he was your boyfriend.

This excellent article on how to make your own Velcro cuffs for a little lite bondage action got us thinking about the many reasons we love Velcro wrist and ankle cuffs. Let us count the ways...

1. Regular handcuffs can be mighty uncomfortable after a few minutes--in fact, the police-issue kind can actually cause nerve damage. But Velcro cuffs are built for comfort.

2. Sure, there's something sexy about undoing your man's tie and co-opting it for your own kinky purposes, but the harder you pull on D.I.Y. cuffs like this, the tighter the knots get. And nothing spoils a good bondage sesh like having to take a pair of scissors to a $100 silk tie.

"Sperms of Endearment" was the subject heading of the first spam email in our inbox this morning. Occasionally spam is so accidentally brilliant that we just have to share. Happy Hump Day!

People for the American Way has an excellent Right Wing Watch blog which is dedicated to keeping the Rush Limbaugh brigade on their toes. And they recently totally busted the American Family Association (yeah, that kind of "family values") for their auto-replace gone wrong. For some reason the AFA doesn't like the modern use of the term "gay" (we suppose they're nostalgic for the era when the word meant "happy and carefree") and so their OneNewsNow site automatically replaces any instance of the word "gay" with "homosexual." Which is pretty hilarious when they run AP stories about sprinter Tyson Gay, leading to headlines like "Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials." Run, Tyson Homosexual, run!

You may recall from a recent blog roundup of ours, that Heinz Deli Mayo had a funny television commercial running in the U.K. It featured a tough, macho, N.Y. deli guy in the kitchen making sandwiches for the Brit kids and Dad before they headed out for the day, and ended with the Dad and deli guy giving each other a quick kiss goodbye. But a mere 200 complaints about it being "offensive" and "inappropriate" got it pulled.

Do these poo-poo-ers really think any young person watching this could be turned gay? It's not exactly hot; we mean, there's no tongue or anything. In fact, it's almost kind of sweet. A commercial like that might turn kids tolerant, but gay? No way. In fact, what's offensive about it is simply the automatic assumption that the mom would be the one in the kitchen doing the cooking. Well, at least you can enjoy the ad here or above. And maybe support Heinz by buying some for your barbecue tomorrow.

Planet Green's got a funny commercial with a bit of tasteful nudity to bring awareness to environmental issues and bring viewers to the new television network.

Mega-Bang takes all those penis enhancing products one step further with a parody supplement that'll make your johnson spin. Nice use of the '70s porn aesthetic and the "bullshit Amazonian origins of its "herbs."

And here are just a few oldie-but-goodie commercials that use sex to sell, but not in the typical cheap T&A beer-y way: