We've got about ten really important, topical Frontlines on PBS saved in our Tivos. So what do we watch when we sit down in front of the TV and kick up our feet? Fox's reality show, So You Think You Can Dance. We're not sure if the fact that it was the top-rated show last Wednesday between 18 and 49 year olds makes us feel better or worse about this particular television habit. But when it comes to artistic erotica this side of Skinemax, nothing else beats it.

Take last week's show, in which two partnered contestants, dressed in little abstract loin cloths, did a piece called "Adam and Eve" (see above video). There was lots of sensual touching, heavy breathing (that you could actually hear because the music was so minimal), and advanced positions we wouldn't recommend in any of our sex manuals. At one point, during a split, we could have sworn we caught a glimpse of the female dancer's cervix through her wafer-thin spandex. You know, it's good, clean fun for the whole family!

At least the dancer who played "Eve" has a more realistic body: she's strong and muscular with some meat on her bones. Which we can't help but think might be part of the reason why the judges are so hard on her (the simulated sex helped her eek eke out another week, though)...

It's a huge compliment when a high-end escort says one of your sex manuals rocked her world (her terminology)--so much so that if she ever met you, she would feel obliged to pay you for sex. (She also said The Big Bang was topping the list of possible gifts for her mum's birthday.) We've been a fan of Belle de Jour's ever since. Not just because she's got great taste in sex books, but because we like her writing style: saucy and a little bit snarky. Her pseudonymous blog and first book, The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl, caused quite a stir in the UK--an unapologetic, tell-all memoir about being paid for sex...and liking it. 

It was only a matter of time before someone made her story into a movie or TV show. So tonight at 10:30pm, Showtime continues its trend of envelope-pushing, sex-themed shows (The L Word, Californication) with Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Not sure how true the show is to the book (or how true the original book is, for that matter), but check out the promotional videos and see if you aren't intrigued. Yes, it's all a bit too glam to be believed (think "Sex and the City," except with cash transactions instead of jewelry), but there's something provocative about the line from the show's "blog" video "Why I became a call girl" (if you can get past the cheesy camera work, the chick-a-baum music, Billie Piper's mouth-marbles accent, and her overworked exterior): "Cheap is going out, getting drunk, and falling into bed with some stranger."

Photo via Splash

Okay, okay, okay, fine. We give in. We'll talk about the freakin' movie that everyone's talking about. Or rather, we'll let you talk about it, in a special Sex and the City edition of "Who Would You Do."

Charlotte. Pros: Those leaked photos from her alleged sex tape were kind of hot, in a disgraced-cheerleader kind of way. And who didn't wonder if Charlotte was secretly the dirtiest in bed? Cons: Would Charlotte really make a sex tape? We lost count of the number of sex acts that elicited an "ew gross" reaction from her.

Samantha. Pros: She's Samantha. And Kim Cattrall is a real-life cougar. Cons: She's Samantha. Also, Kim Cattrall once married a jazz musician and then they co-wrote a sensual guide to love-making. Yes, they called it love-making.

Carrie. Pros: We guess if you enjoy post-sex rhetorical questions as pillow talk, then she's your gal. Cons: Total high maintenance shag. And if you accidentally farted or queefed, she'd scream and run out of the bedroom.

Miranda. Pros: You know she wouldn't be offended if you brought along your vibrator. Cons: She'd probably give you more directions than a traffic cop.

Sex and the City is a movie! It's coming out so soon! It's so exciting! You're going to have to explain to me why it's so exciting, because I truly don't understand, though I wish I did--it's everything I like in my fluffy television: pretty ladies, fancy clothes, and storylines about love and doing it a lot. There's a lot of doing it--which is right and reasonable, considering that anything else would be false advertising and everyone knows that that is an extremely rude thing to do.

I've seen two and one half episodes of the show, and this is perhaps an unfair stretch of evidence upon which to base my completely un-objective and totally biased opinion, but it strikes me as a bad show, and a shallow show that tries to hit hard at the Universal Experience of Women and just mostly reduces everything to a sad joke, never quite goes far enough, always pulls back from the truly interesting and the risqué. Wouldn't a show about sex, in Manhattan, want to be totally risqué? I mean, the episode about threesomes--that could have been kind of hot, it could have been a little dirty, it could have been heartbreaking and also totally fascinating. Except in the end, ha ha, Charlotte's man only wanted to screw around with another woman! There goes that relationship, ha ha! And it's an easy punch line that just makes me really irritated.

Maybe I'm asking too much from a throwaway HBO show. No, I know I am. Maybe I am knee-jerk reacting against all the crazy hype and the howling. I do that sometimes. Maybe I'm the wrong demographic--it could be that I don't understand these women because I am not the right age--and frankly, I can't tell if I am too old or too young. Sometimes, I feel too old, because these ladies are doing retarded teenager things like stalking the boy they like at church, tee hee, or giving in to his creepy manipulations to have a threesome, or getting mad that someone they dumped found someone else so they call him and make him come running back.

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We can't really think of anyone we want to do this week--Britney continues to depress the shit out of our libido and manly-man McCain just makes us fear for the future of the Supreme Court and reproductive rights. And our "WWYD: The Quarterback Edition" stalled at "Uh, that guy Jessica Simpson is sleeping with...and was O.J. a quarterback?" So instead, we thought we'd let you vote on your favorite gratuitously-sexed-up Super Bowl ad ever...

1. Joe Namath says, "I'm so excited, I'm gonna get creamed!"--by Farrah Fawcett, no less, in the 1973 Super Bowl ad for Noxzema. Not the subtlest of double-entendres, but, hey, that's the '70s for you.

2. GoDaddy.com pokes fun at the controversy surrounding Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction while simultaneously providing all the sports fans with handfuls of T&A. A cheap shot, though we kind of like the closing line from the bench: "Those are not real."

3. Budweiser's "Wassup?!" guys. Kidding. But you know that at least three drunk frat boys that year got a laugh out of yelling "Wassup?!" right as they came.