09.27.2007  BY EM & LO
For Slate.com's Sex Issue, the two of us were asked, "As people who make their living thinking and writing about sex, what have you never been able to figure out about sex?" (Our response: why virginity is still defined strictly in terms of penile penetration, damn it.) We were humbled to be included along with some very cool sexologists, researchers and writers. Of course, not so humbled that we won't proceed to shamelessly expound on their answers:

-- Ian Kerner, one of the most prolific sex experts out there (not to mention all-around nice guy): his super short answer seemingly pulled off the jacket of one of his books perhaps speaks to just how freakin' busy he is these days. Busy doing what, though, we wonder...?

-- Simon Levay: Levay was Nerve.com's science writer when we were editors there, and he always had interesting things to say on the state of sex. It's still the case: his answer is fascinating, yet a total bummer.

-- Dan Savage: Fabulous, as always. To paraphrase Jack Nicholson, he makes us want to be better sex writers.

-- Dr. Ruth: How can you not love the (grand)mother of sex advice? But her answer, or at least its phrasing, seemed a little old-fashioned (maybe we shouldn't be surprised by that). With all she knows, would committing to the opinion that sexual orientation is genetically determined be so outrageous?

-- Rabbi Shmuley: We were once on a local NYC talk show with Shmuley, and were mesmerized by him in the green room. He's definitely not afraid to speak his mind, even when what's on his mind is not what you'd expect from a rabbi. We loved his answer, and have often wondered the same thing ourselves.

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After a break-up, do everything you can to avoid rose-colored hindsight. This may include playing that montage of fond memories over and over in the theater of your mind with the Dolby surround-sound system playing Muse or Maroon 5 on repeat. No good can come of this; you'll simply end up feeling more inadequate, lonely, and depressed. Instead, focus on your ex's faults. There must be at least one (besides their ability to live without you), even if it's just a malformed pinkie toe or a tendency to douse every meal in ketchup.
--From Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped

Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

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