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We love it when the news is as soft and fuzzy and huggy-wuggy as a roll of Charmin. Especially on a Friday. So here's the latest soft-as-a-baby's-bottom news out of Sweden: They like to hug. A lot. And there we were thinking that the country was full of model types with ice-blue eyes who like to double-cheek-kiss just to make us feel like lumbering, uncouth Americans. But no: ninety percent of Swedes hug someone at least once a week, 25 percent hug same-sex colleagues at least once a week, and 14 percent hug opposite-colleagues. (Though only 4% attempt to hug it out with the big boss.) But here's our favorite stat: 55% of Swedes would hug a stranger who had just found their wallet. We can't even imagine getting a high-five for that in this country.

Tomorrow is World AIDS Day, which means that the papers are full of stories about the latest STD stats (turns out the U.S. government may have vastly underestimated the number of new HIV cases each year). Unfortunately we couldn't really think of anything deep to say about all that--except for, you know, wrap the fuck up, people. But here's some safer sex news guaranteed not to make your eyes glaze over: When Sex Games Go Wrong.

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In honor of tomorrow being World AIDS Day, this week's edition of "Who Would You Do" brings you a selection of celebrities most likely to have a gift that keeps on giving. For the record, we have no actual knowledge of what STDs these dudes may or may not be harboring. We just have a feeling, ya know?

Leo DiCaprio. Pros: You can roleplay "Going down on the Titanic." Plus, he seems to be into serial monogamy these days, so he might just make you his girlfriend. Cons: Traveled with the Pussy Posse. Total model chaser (since he was, like, 13). Could you really date someone who used to see Gisele naked on a daily basis? Also, he's prettier than you.

Colin Farrell. Pros: That accent. And if you've spent any time on Internet gossip sites, you're already familiar with his "manhood." No blind date here! (Sorry, no links: his attorney made everyone remove the pics.) Cons: That accidental kid he had with a model? Um, someone hasn't been using condoms, most likely. Also, is it just us, or is he kind of a cheeseball?

Kid Rock. Pros: If you never got to piss off your parents in high school, this would really take care of that. Plus, if some dude grabbed your ass in a night club, you know he'd wail on the guy. Cons: Two words: Pamela Anderson. Oh wait, two more: Paris Hilton.

Adam Levine. Pros: Um, we guess if you're a fan of Maroon 5's music? Also, we bet he could convince your grandmother that, deep down, he's just a nice Jewish boy looking to settle down. Cons: You just know he's a locker-room blabber. And please, sleeping with Adam Levine is such a cliché. What are you gonna do next, check into rehab? Also, we bet he likes to have sex to his own music.

John Mayer. Pros: If you never dated someone in high school who serenaded you with "More Than Words" or "Brown-Eyed Girl," we bet he'd do it. Cons: He's the worst kind of player: the kind who pretends to be the nice boyfriend-in-a-Gap-wool-scarf type and then boom, one day just suddenly stops calling you.

Now here's an idea that we can't decide whether to love or hate: A U.S. company is launching a product called the Safe Sex Passport. Says the founder, "Some years ago I met an individual who had intercourse with someone they met online, who didn't disclose that they had an STD. The idea popped into my head that people know but don't tell the truth, and we needed an independent way to verify someone's health status."

Enter the Safe Sex Passport: you show up to a lab with your official ID and get tested for HIV, genital herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis, and then any potential partners can call the Safe Sex Passport hotline and get your vital stats.

When you read yet another chain e-mail in your inbox, does a small part of you wonder if there's any truth in it? I'd like to believe that a well-meaning person sends these hoaxes, for I don't know who directly benefits from panicking the public in this way. I received yet another edition of "Info from the Mt. Sinai breast cancer unit" about lead-containing lipsticks, and would like to deconstruct it for you.

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We admit it: we're totally hooked on Gossip Girl. Okay, Em admits it. Lo would rather watch 90210 reruns. Actually, Lo would rather watch The O'Reilly Factor. Perhaps it's because Lo was popular in high school, while Em was eating her lunch in the bathroom stall. Which meant that, back then, watching 90210 felt a little bit too much like real life (because real life at that point involved watching from a distance as the drama of pretty people unfolded). It took a few decades of distance to enjoy a glamorized version of teenage casual sex, drugs, and day-time boozing (teenagers actually like martinis?!). Whatevs, the addiction as is real as Blair's diet pill habit.

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We're not exactly getting warm, fuzzy, it's-good-to-be-a-girl vibes from the news this week...

1. Catsuits are back. Yay, camel toe and yeast infections!

2. This is considered a downturn in events? We kind of like what gravity (or perhaps a lack of tit tape) is doing for her.

3. Women sues her ex-fiance's parents for hiding son's HIV (because the ex-fiance omitted to tell her what he was dying of on his deathbed). Um, people, this is why you get tested for STDs together before going bareback. Because people lie.

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According to that bastion of investigative journalism, Star magazine, Britney Spears has a "double-locked fantasy room" at her house where she "satisfies her shocking obsession with kinky sex."

And this is a bad thing why, exactly?! First of all, girlfriend is smart enough to put a double-lock on her sex room. (Meanwhile, the rest of us have to make-do with hiding our sex toys in shoeboxes marked "Misc. Memorabilia" stashed under the bed.) Also, "heavy, dark curtains cover the windows and the only light comes from bordello-red bulbs, which barely illuminate the pink and black color scheme." Hello?! Everyone knows that nothing spoils a sexy bout of spanking or bondage quite like overhead fluorescent lighting!

File this under "inventions that have a ways to go": a German (who else) scientist has come up with a condom that is sprayed on. Unlike roll-on condoms, the spray-on version promises to fit perfectly, which is especially good news for the petite man who insists on buying Magnum condoms in case he bumps into anyone he knows at the drugstore. Of course, a spray-on condom requires inserting your penis into a chamber and waiting 20 seconds for the latex application, which is approximately 18 seconds longer than it takes to roll one on. Also, the machine hisses. But God bless the inventor for trying. (And hey, maybe version 2.0 will be able to spray the condom on in a swirly-sunset-and-wolf design, kind of like those air-brushed tees you can buy at the Jersey Shore.) Now if only these scientists could get a hard-on for a contraceptive development, we'd really throw a party for...like, oh, say a male birth control pill.