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According to that bastion of investigative journalism, Star magazine, Britney Spears has a "double-locked fantasy room" at her house where she "satisfies her shocking obsession with kinky sex."

And this is a bad thing why, exactly?! First of all, girlfriend is smart enough to put a double-lock on her sex room. (Meanwhile, the rest of us have to make-do with hiding our sex toys in shoeboxes marked "Misc. Memorabilia" stashed under the bed.) Also, "heavy, dark curtains cover the windows and the only light comes from bordello-red bulbs, which barely illuminate the pink and black color scheme." Hello?! Everyone knows that nothing spoils a sexy bout of spanking or bondage quite like overhead fluorescent lighting!

But wait, it gets more "shocking": she keeps her spanking paddles displayed in a glass jar by the bed. Nice one, Brit! No need to interrupt the flow of things by having to dismount your partner to go rummaging in the attic for that faux fur butt paddle. Other supposed evidence of Britney's sexual "obsession" includes a proclivity for playing dress-up in bed (no shit...who didn't learn a thing or two about role-playing from Britney's musical videos?) and the fact that she occasionally forgets to lock all her toys away and leaves them lying around the house. What, you never had that OH-MY-GOD panic as your parents show up for a visit and you suddenly realize that you forgot to unplug your Hitachi Magic Wand the previous night? Let she who has never enjoyed a quiet moment with her Rabbit cast the first stone.


Lucy said:

This only makes me love Britney more.

Sarah said:

This neither shocks or suprises me. It does however make me a tincy bit jealous ;)

Dorothy said:

It suprises me a bit. If she was that in touch with her sexuality I think she would be more sane.
Unless it wasn't initially her idea...

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In one sense, revenge sex—when you sleep with your ex's nemesis, roommate, sibling, parent, or pet in order to pay them back for dumping you--totally works: how could your ex not be grossed out / horrified / disillusioned / damaged for life? But unless your ex is a few peas short of a casserole, your cunning plan is sure to backfire, because they'll know exactly why you slept with their paste-eating dork of a sibling, and the most overwhelming emotion they will feel is deep, abiding pity for you.
--From Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped

Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

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