11.14.2007  BY EM & LO
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Dear Boy George,

You don't know us, but Em remembers you: back when she was 11, she appeared in the video for Culture Club's "The War Song"--she's one of the masked skeleton kids right at the end. You never met, though, because she spent the entire shoot hanging out near the tank at the back because she had a crush on your drummer Jon Moss. You see, back then she'd never even heard of the word "gay" and therefore had no idea that you were sleeping with Jon. Nice one, George!

Anyway, we just read the news that you're in a spot of bother with the law. (Again!) Apparently this time you took home a male escort and then chained him to your wall as your personal sex slave. According to the British press, you broke out a selection of whips and sex toys and told your slave: "Now you'll get what you deserve."

Now, don't get us wrong, we're all for a little roleplaying and power play in the bedroom. But the thing is, George, it's meant to be consensual. Consent is what separates us from the animals, and it's also what separates a kidnapping from a jolly good time in the bedroom. It's what separates a slave from a "slave." So next time you want to tie someone up, you might want to have them choose a safe word. This is something they can yell out if things become a little too intense, and it should be something they would never usually say during sex. Like, say, "Kucinich!" That way, your slave can still yell out sexy phrases like, "Oh God, please, no" or "Do you really want to hurt me?" or even "Let me out or I'll call the police!" and you won't have to worry about being arrested.

Unless, of course, being arrested is your personal turn-on. Is that it, George? We remember when you had to do community service in NYC for wasting police time after you falsely reported a burglary. Do you have a thing for the boys in blue? Well, if that's the case, might we suggest you get your next boyfriend to dress up as a cop? He can use fuzzy handcuffs and everything. Just don't try this with any bitter exes (hello, Jon Moss!), shady one-night stands, or escorts looking to sell a story to the tabloids, okay? Because we care, we really do.

We'll tumble 4 ya,

Em & Lo


3 Comments

Ricky said:

I feel bad for the guy he chained up!

Nazy said:

Ugh, another safety word, ruined.

Sarah said:

The whole slave versus "slave" thing always trips me up too!

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

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