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With the news this week that both Amy Fisher and Joey Buttaf-ew-co are peddling (or pretending not to peddle) separate sex tapes, it seemed the right time to ask you: If you had to be a guest star on any of these sex tapes--and you were guaranteed the privilege of destroying the only copy once it was a wrap--which one would you pick?

The former Long Island Lolita, Amy Fisher, and her husband. Pros: She's now legal. Cons: He sold the tape without her knowledge during a messy divorce, though they are now "working on their marriage." She's now legal.

• Joey Buttafuoco and his second wife Evanka pretend not to know that they're surrounded by cameras while screwing on a friend's bed during a party. Pros: Um...? Cons: Age has not been kind to this man.

• Dustin "Screech" Diamond holes up with a few women in a Mid-west hotel suite in a pathetic attempt to revive his career. Pros: Good kitsch value, it'd be like the eBay collectible item of sex tape experiences. Cons: A Dirty Sanchez was involved.

• Friend-of-Paris Kim Kardashian and  "hip hop star" Ray J. Pros: Ms. Kardashian's rear end. Cons: They're both so clearly into themselves, we think you'd be lucky to get so much as an elbow to the nose.

• Paris Hilton and Rick Salomon do it in green night-vision, lo those many years ago: You may recall Salomon bossing Paris around as she gave a half-hearted blowjob. Pros: Just think how you might have changed the course of world history, had you stopped Paris back then. Cons: The man has douche written on on his forehead.

• The classic: Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. Pros: We hear she's a total sweetie. And you'd be learning from the original sex tape pro's. Cons: The post-sex pillow talk is probably less than scintillating.

• The re-run: Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon. Pros: There was just something fated about this coupling on camera--that has to translate to some kind of sex magic. Cons: They might be all "been-there-done-that."

• Malaysian Health Minister Chua Soi Lek and a "personal friend" in room 1301 at the Katerina Hotel, Batu Pahat. Pros: You could discuss world politics the next morning. Cons: We can't imagine the events of the evening were high in novelty value.

• Colin Farrell and Playboy Playmate Nicole Narain. Pros: We hear he has a big one. Cons: Don't you feel like you could probably just sleep with him yourself if you wanted it that badly? He doesn't exactly seem unavailable.

• Tonya Harding and husband. Pros: We bet she's better in bed than Nancy Kerrigan. And she's wearing a wedding dress. Cons: It was actually a Halloween costume.


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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

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