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We may not get an Oscar ceremony this year, but we don't think the WGA would have a problem with any of these leading men taking a starring role in your fantasy, who would you do?

George Clooney. Pros: He's not opposed to the use of bedside accessories. And you could finally live out that "playing doctor" fantasy you've been nursing (heh) since nineties ER. Cons: It'd probably be kind of like bedding the captain of the football team in high school: good for brag value, but orgasmically unsatisfying. Why not just take him to prom instead?

Daniel Day-Lewis. Pros: He's a notorious method actor...hello, roleplaying! Cons: Could anyone who takes himself that seriously possibly be any good in bed?

Johnny Depp. Pros: We've always kind of loved those guys who get a tattoo of their girlfriend's name, even when it turns out to be a huge mistake. It's like the opposite of a pre-nup. Also, you just know he has a "ladies first" policy in the sack. Cons: He's prettier than you are.

Tommy Lee Jones. Pros: He went to Harvard. And he was Al Gore's roommate there. Also, he played football for Harvard. Cons: That was almost 40 years ago.

Viggo Mortensen. Pros: That cheerleader scene in History of Violence. That stair scene in History of Violence. That naked bathhouse fight scene in Eastern Promises. This man's been starring in your masturbatory fantasies for so long, isn't it about time you tried the real thing? Cons: If he doesn't live up to the fantasy, there goes some primo masturbation material.


Ariel said:

Johnny Depp. I'm a big Edward Scissorhands fan.


you forgot all that hardcore action in lord of the rings for dear viggo

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