Daily Bedpost - All About Sex with Em & Lo

TV 02.11.2008 BY EM & LO

Photo via IDS

Tina Turner (minute 1:40 of the vid)

Pros: She's got miraculously smooth flawless skin all over; she's got the body of a 20-something; and she's got the nerve to dress sexy at 68.

Cons: She moves like she's wearing a back brace, looks like she's had a neck-ectomy, and has the frozen facial expression of that dead girl at the beginning of The Ring. Plus, she's got the nerve to dress sexy at 68.

Kid Playing Saxophone during Alicia Keys & Frank Sinatra number (minute 1:12 of the vid)

Pros: He's the hero of all his friends and family for getting more quality airtime on the Grammys than Prince. And being a celebrity for a day will probably translate into uber-confidence in the sack.

Cons: Has that dorky, half-smiling, head-bopping, far-off look about him in bed too.

Amy Winehouse

Pros: She'd probably be up for anything. And she's got that naughty come-hither look down. Plus, afterwards, she'd long for you, even if you went to jail; in fact she'd change her song lyrics to include your name as an act of love and solidarity.

Cons: Goofy facial expressions, seizure-like limb movements and an inability not to pass out while doing it.

Kanye West

Pros: Obviously loved and respected his recently deceased mama, what with the "Hey Mama" song and the "Mama" shaved into his hairdo, which usually translates into treating sex partners with love and respect, too. Plus, he singlehandedly got the Grammy show producers to run long with the line "It would be in good taste to stop the music" when he started talking about his mom during his acceptance speech, and that's the epitome of cool.

Cons: Ego the size of Texas ("I always tell Common, 'Like, man, you gotta time the album out better: you can't drop 'em the same year as me. This is my award.'"), which usually means poor bedroom skills and a teeny weenie.

Alicia Keys

Pros: She's got a great body with actual curves, and an undeniably amazing voice to sing you love songs.

Cons: When you run your fingers through her hair her wig might fall off; you know, the one that looks like she borrowed it from Little Richard's collection. Plus, you'll never be able to get that annoying, Grammy-winning (?!?!) song "No One" our of your head.

Chris Daughtry

Pros: You know he's a keeper when superstardom doesn't result in him divorcing his non-Hollywood wife of seven years (he even raises her kid like it was his own!). What a guy.

Cons: Overly manicured facial hair makes us afraid of what kind of pubic topiary he's rocking down below.

Comments (0) | Permalink | Add This | Email This

Tags

Leave a comment