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In not exactly shocking news, a recent survey found that women have more regrets than men when it comes to one-night stands. And the even less shocking explanation behind these results? Despite all our good advice to the contrary, most women continue to go into one-night stands hoping they will lead to a relationship (and men continue to let them think this might be the case). According to the survey, 80 percent of men and only 54 percent of women feel good after a one-night stand. The men tended to report feelings of sexual satisfaction, well-being, and improved self-confidence, while the women were more likely to feel used, ashamed, or as if they had let themselves down. Jeez, what is this, the 1950s?!

People, if we could all be a little more honest with each other, there'd be a lot more cheer in the world of casual sex. And this goes for you, too, ladies: how many times have you lied to yourself or a guy and said you're not expecting the sex to lead to anything? Another positive outcome: there would be fewer cases of women going to jail after seeking revenge via cattle branding on dudes who don't call after a one-night stand. Which is why we've always been fans of what we call the prenook: this is the casual sex equivalent of a prenup that verbally outlines both parties' expectations of the encounter.

As we explain it in our book Rec Sex:
There is no one-size-fits-all pronouncement that secures a prenook--after all, "Let's have a one-night stand" or "Is it okay if I never call you again?" will kill the mood for most people (though either of these lines might work if spoken with the right dose of humor). A prenook is kind of like porn: You know it when you see it. In certain sexed-up circumstances (say, spring break in Cancun, or a swingers' convention in Tampa), the prenook goes without saying. At times like these, the implicit promise is that you will get laid, and you will get laid tonight. Therefore, a spring break prenook operates in reverse: a) You must fess up before getting to the bedroom if you suffer from erectile dysfunction, and b) you must provide a heads-up if all you're in for is a kiss and a cuddle (though it goes without saying that anyone can change their minds as to how far they are willing to go at any point--we're talking to you, date rapers). The reverse prenook allows the recipient to look for their jollies elsewhere, should they so desire.
Oh, whatever. You're not even listening, are you? You're too busy sitting by your phone waiting for that playa to call you back. But in case you're still there, the same applies to booty calls: If you think your booty call partner is just hanging in there in the hope of converting you into a boyfriend or girlfriend, you've got to retire that booty call number immediately. You hear us, John Mayer? Despite what she might tell you in bed, Jennifer Aniston totally wants a boyfriend.


2 Comments

Arkadiy said:

Good post, thank you.

By the by, I've been telling more and more people about your books. I just ordered several copies of Rec Sex and Buh Bye to give away because some many of my friends, well, have rec. sex and either get dumped or dump somebody. I'd rather have them be educated on the subject, manners, etiquette. Keep up the the good work.

kristi said:

It’s OBVIOUS why men get more out of casual sex than women.

To make things feel good for a man, all you really have to do is spread your legs. I’ve never had a random encounter where the guy didn’t get his.

To make sex good for a woman, though, the man has to put in lots of time, effort, and unselfish attention.

That just doesn’t usually happen except in a relationship.

If I suck your dick for half an hour, you go down on me for about 40 seconds, then you pound away TOTALLY IGNORING my CLITORIS, treat me like I’m simultaneously a whore (for sleeping with you) and a prude (for not taking it in the butt), you get off and I just get sexually frustrated and sore, then everyone treats you like you should be proud because you got a woman to have sex with you while they tell me I should be ashamed because I let a man have sex with me……………WELL OF COURSE I’M GONNA REGRET IT!!!!!!

We prefer relationships because that’s the only way we don’t get treated like blowup dolls and told we should hate ourselves.

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

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