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Our recent haiku contest winners gave us a hankering for our own haikus, hence your weekly astro-romantical advice in 5-7-5:

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
If you make new friends,
Don't tell them you like sploshing . . .
Until you know them.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Jogging, squash, tennis --
Momentum will carry you
Into bed and love.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
If you want to charm,
Use your head to disarm them;
Don't wear tight clothing.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Much like a haiku,
Give little away with words.
Mystery is rad.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Friends make good lovers.
Not all friends want your booty.
Proceed with caution.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Ready, set, go, dude!
Someone special -- or butt plugs --
Are at the finish.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
They say they're single.
Who are you to believe them?
Truth eludes us all.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Friends are nature's lube,
Greasing the way for more sex
With new friends to come.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
You may be horny,
But you've got to keep it real.
One-night stands suck dog.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
You are smarty-pants.
Hot-pants likes your tarty rants.
Don't forget condoms.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Organized events
Are sexier than you think.
Get involved; get laid.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Like a leaf falling,
Go your own unique way down,
Others will follow.


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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

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