Chocolate bar from TantraChocolate.com

Dear Em & Lo,

I'm in a long-distance relationship and I don't get to see my guy again until December. I want to make our reunion special by doing something a little out of our norm: He absolutely loves chocolate and I've been looking for something fun and sweet. I've seen some chocolate body frostings and powders, but there isn't much info on what works well or good ways to go about using it. Any ideas? Thanks so much!

Sweet P.

Dear SP,

What better way to indulge your fella's chocolate addiction than with sex? (Vice versa for all you dirty birds out there.) You could go with something fun from the Naughty Chocolate Store, but boobie lollipops are more humorous than hot. There are much better ways to make your fella's homecoming sweet and sinful. But before we count those ways, a few words of caution:

1) Don't bother with any chocolate edible underwear -- yuck!

2) Avoid chocolate syrup straight from the fridge -- it  gets super sticky and just plain gross way too fast!

3) Lay down a towel or a sheet you don't mind getting dirty (and potentially permanently stained).

4) We'd recommend keeping any and all foodstuffs out of your vagina, away from your labes, in order to avoid infection. And while we wouldn't funnel chocolate syrup into his urethra, his genital area is a lot less sensitive to sweets than yours, so feel free to lay it on (him) thick. 

5) UPDATE: Recently, British sex toy shops found there was melamine in some of their chocolate body spreads made in China, so make sure you check the labels of any made-for-play chocolate for "made in China", even the ones we recommend after the jump, just to be safe.
Now, onto the good stuff. Admittedly, we haven't tried all this stuff first hand, so we can't attest to the quality of chocolate, but there are plenty of affordable options available so you can try a variety and see which you like best (update: again, as long as they're not made in China):
  • Babeland also has the Shunga and the Body Pens for a few bucks more than Goodvibes, but their chocolate raspberry massage bar beats theirs at only $2.50 a pop. (Though we haven't tried the bars, we'd stay away from Babeland's flavored massage candles if you've got a sensitive sense of smell.) Babeland also offers some items to help inspire you if you have no idea what to do with the chocolate in the first place: Chocoholic's Chocolate Lover's Dice ($15) that gives you naughty commands and their Strip Chocolate ($20) with stencils to create chocolate messages like "Kiss This Spot." Babeland also carries the Chocolate Body Sauce ($12) featured on Good Morning America that won "Best Sauce" at the Atlanta Gourmet Show (so you know it can't taste too shitty).
  • Finally, you can check out this series of Tantra Chocolate Bars ($32) which feature various positions in chocolate relief -- you can leave one of the mini ones on his pillow.


Oni said:

my general preference is 4 the chocolate fruit dip that u c in the produce section - just leave it @ room temp so it warms up nicely. Unfortunately, most of the body frostings I've tried have a rather nasty aftertaste (aspartame is SO not sexy) - anyone have any personal recommendations?


Why buy? The makings for homemade chocolate frosting are way cheaper; it's quick & easy to whip up and doesn't have the chemical aftertaste of the store-bought. My honey knows what to expect when I make frosting and there's no cake in the house...yum! ;-)

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

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