Dear Em & Lo,

Is it ever okay to give your partner a sex toy as a Christmas present?

Making my list, checking it twice,

--Toys R Us


Dear Toys R Us,

Yes! But. It can't be just any sex toy, it can't be just any packaging, and it can't be just any partner. That said, a sex toy is always a better Christmas present than itchy, scratchy, slutty, crotchless underwear. Actually, even a lump of coal is better than itchy, scratchy, slutty, crotchless underwear.

The Toy
Make sure you buy something that's actually built for your partner's pleasure, rather than some gimmicky bachelor/bachelorette party gag gift. If your boyfriend has always wanted to tie you up, then give him the festively colored Candy Apple Wrist Restraints (they're rock-star sexy and a hell of a lot more comfortable than police-issue cuffs) with a handwritten permission slip. Or if your girlfriend's trusty Hitachi Magic Wand is finally on the outs after a decade of loyal service, then get her a Form 6 by JimmyJane (it's water-resistant and rechargeable, with a battery that lasts two hours, if she's into marathon self-love sessions...).

Or for something more tailored for two, try the Tuyo vibrator--it even looks like a Christmas tree bauble! If you're not sure what would float your partner's boat, take them to your local sex toy retailer after a romantic dinner and tell them to pick any toy in the store that takes their fancy. Or if your little sex shop on the corner is the kind where men in raincoats tend to loiter, than log on together instead: Babeland.com and GoodVibes.com have just about everything you could possibly want, from cheap and cheerful plastic vibes to blinged-out couture toys; KikiDM.com specializes in the latter. Better yet, give your partner a copy of our stocking-stuffer-sized book Sex Toy: An A-Z Guide to Bedside Accessories, along with a gift certificate (here, here, or here).

Whatever you do, don't use this holiday season as the excuse to "surprise" your partner with something that you think might freak them out--like, oh, say, an extra-large black strap-on dildo. If you've never even broached this topic with your guy before, this kind of gift is likely to send his penis crawling inside his body in fear. If you're not sure, err on the side of sensual rather than hardcore--massage candles or saucy blindfolds rather than nipple clamps. Or just give him something that serves as a promise of sex in the very near future, like a cute, stretchy, vibrating cock ring. And steer clear of presents that suggest he'll be on his own, like a "porn star pussy mold." Actually, always steer clear of those things--we only linked to it to prove we couldn't make this shit up if we tried.

The Packaging
At this time of year, it might be worth the splurge to shop at a high-end boutique spot like Kiki de Montparnasse...their packaging alone will probably put your partner in the mood (as will their sexy, low-lit stores, if you happen to live in NYC or LA). But if Kiki doesn't stock what you're looking for--or if you're not looked to spend $350 on a gold-plated PVibe--then just go DIY: remove your toy from its nasty porn star packaging and create your own "dick in a box." Try chocolate brown tissue paper with a pale blue or pink ribbon. Or a black padded gift box with luxurious ivory ribbon.

The Partner
Much as it pains us to say it, not every man or woman would be thrilled to receive a sex toy for Christmas. Some people might find it a little gauche. Others might have been hoping for something in a Tiffany's box instead. Still others might consider it the equivalent of getting a Dustbuster--sure, it gets the job done, but that doesn't mean it deserves a place under the Christmas tree. To be on the safe side, never give just a sex toy. Give something else with it that shows a lot of care and a distinct lack of dirty thoughts: a handmade mistletoe wreath, a candle-lit dinner, a handmade gift certificate for a no-returns-allowed, one-hour, full-body massage (okay, so maybe that last suggestion isn't entirely devoid of dirty thoughts).

Happy shopping!

Em & Lo