Back in the late '90s, Em was approached by a couple in a bar who asked her if she'd care to join them back at their hotel room. Now, if this had been some random dude asking, she'd have known exactly how to say no. But somehow, because they were a couple, just saying no seemed kind of rude--more like turning down a dinner party invite than saying no to sex. They were just so sweet and polite.

So she asked them for a time-out and returned to her friends' table to run it by them. "Just say no, you idiot!" one of them (probably Lo, actually) told her. So she did, but was profusely apologetic and wished them all the best in their search for a third wheel. This little trip down memory lane was inspired by a book we were sent recently, The Threesome Handbook, by Vicki Vantoch, a self-described sexual historian and threesome dabbler who calls threeways "the new American dream."

Really? Not butt-fucking? Threeways always seemed kind of overrated to us--not to mention so '90s. (Come on: Wild Things? Two Girls and a Guy? Three of Hearts? Threesome? Henry and June? All made in the '90s.) But Vicki clearly knows more than we do on the topic--she's tried out every threesome pickup line in the book and every permutation of a threeway possible, and she was once in a threeway relationship that got "so serious it involved diamonds and trips to Europe." (Which is more Jackie Collins than our sex life has ever been.)

And she's full of advice on how couples can pick up a third in a bar--one of her favorite approaches being the blunt axe that was tried out on Em. She also recommends using the woman in the couple as a sort of emissary--she can break the ice by complimenting the potential pitch hitter on her shoes, for example. Wondering if you're the type to fall for this line? Check out Vicki's handy reference guide to the "Ten Telltale Signs That You Aspire to Have a Threesome":

1. Sexy couples make you hard.
2. When your ex kisses his main squeeze, you get turned on instead of jealous.
3. When you're making out with someone, you talk dirty about an imaginary third.
4. You've jerked off while imagining two beautiful women servicing you.
5. You search personal ads for horny couples.
6. When your boyfriend brings up having a threeway, you get wet.
7. Your favorite movie is Henry and June.
8. You always bring a friend with you on dates.
9. You wish your boyfriend could be in two places at once.
10. When you're drunk, you make out with your two best friends.

We're going to take issue with #10 (isn't that just called "being in your twenties"?) but the rest are hard to argue with. Of course, it all depends on how you define "aspire to." It's one thing to jerk off to a fantasy and quite another to actually get down to it, with all the potential morning-after awkwardness that comes with the territory. (By the way, if you're thinking of pursuing the American dream, we highly recommend the "Gymnastics for Three" in chapter 7 of the book. We'd hate for you to get a black eye from all those extra elbows.)

Anyway, apparently the rest of the country doesn't agree with us that the threeway is one of the most overrated sex acts there is (right up there with joining the mile-high club, if you ask us): A recent ABC News poll found that threesomes are America's number one sexual fantasy, with 14 percent claiming to have had a threeway and an additional 21 percent fantasizing about one. Hey, what do we know? We've never taken a pinch hitter to Paris.