Em and Lo:

I have run into a bit of a conundrum with my sex toys--I just can't find a good way to store them. I know that keeping them in a nightstand, while stereotypical, isn't really the most sanitary storage method. Most of the toy storage boxes that I've seen are either designed too small or are suitcases designed for toy party reps. For now, I've been keeping most of my toys in their original packaging, which isn't the most convenient solution. I know what would be ideal--an airtight, compartmentalized case so I could keep my toys in separate sections and not have to worry that a leaky bottle of silicone lube will ruin one of my treasured Fun Factory vibes. Maybe even something that could fit under the bed for easy and conveniently located storage. The problem is, I feel like I'm searching for the holy grail. What do you recommend for the best methods of toy storage?

Thanks!

Pandora

Dear Pandora,

This is such an excellent question and we so wish we had an excellent answer for you. Between the two of us, we own hundreds of sex toys--one of the perks of the job: free samples!--and they are sadly crammed into cardboard boxes, stuffed into plastic bags, and squashed into nightstand drawers. It's battery-operated chaos! And it's also like an X-rated version of Toy Story where the toys at the bottom of the box get no love.

One possible solution we can think of is to buy one of those under-the-bed storage boxes and then give each toy an old (clean!) sock to keep the toys from rubbing up against each other. Another option is to go for an under-the-bed shoe storage solution, that way each of your toys gets its own compartment. Or, if your toy collection is smaller, just a few old shoeboxes would work, too. It's not particularly hip or sexy, but it gets the job done.

Anyone out there have a more elegant storage solution for Pandora? Anyone? Bueller? If so, please post your suggestion in the feedback area below. (Don't think of this as us ducking the question, think of it as us sharing the love.)

In the meantime, we thought we'd share our top tips for toy storage, excerpted from our book Sex Toy: An A-Z Guide to Bedside Accessories...

1. Sex toys are like condoms: They're best kept in a cool, dry place.

2. They're also best kept away from dust bunnies (especially the toys you put inside you--geez).

3. Toys don't play well with other toys in storage--soft, squishy ones can melt into each other, hard toys can tear soft toys, metal toys can chip glass toys, heavy toys can dent impressionable ones, etc.

4. Cyberskin toys and their ilk "leak" pretty substantially, so don't store them among your nice undies, and don't leave them sitting on your antique dresser, either.

5. Never ever put a toy away before it's completely dry.

6. Dust Cyberskin (et al.) toys with cornstarch before storing them.

7. Remove all batteries from toys when not in use (so they don't corrode inside or the toy doesn't accidentally switch on and run them down).

8. Remove all miniature vibrators from dildos and butt plugs.

9. Want to create an extra-special hiding place for an extra-special toy? If you've got way too much time on your hands (a friend of ours actually did this for a beloved butt plug), you could go all prison chic and build a secret hidey-hole inside a book by gluing the pages together and carving out a toy shape, just like Tim Robbins in Shawshank Redemption.

10. Got a few favorite toys you want handier than under the bed? You could always invest in one of those nifty Hide a Vibe Pillows: They look like regular throw pillows, but there's a secret zippered compartment, lined with silk, for storing all your sex toys and lubes. The concept is awesome, though we wish the fabric choices weren't generally limited to animal prints. (What is it with the sex biz and animal prints?)

Play nice!

Em & Lo