Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the question, Do all (okay, most) guys -- gay or straight -- like their bumholes played with? Just external or penetration (with a finger or more)?

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Isn't there a great Sex and the City episode that decided we like it, we just don't want to talk about it? In reality you're going to have to ask each guy before you dive in. We can't generalize here. External play might be fine in most cases as long as you're stimulating his penis. But full-on penetration can quickly change the picture. For first-timers a finger inside can feel really different but if he's up for exploring why not give it a go? Some (immature) guys think it makes them gay and will have decided beforehand never to try it out. Others may experiment and decide it's not for them. And then there's always those who go crazy for it (like my friend who described his prostate orgasm as such: "It's like coming in slow motion").

Straight Married Guy (Ben): Some people will tell you that straight guys can't get into their own butts because of homophobia but I don't buy that. Lots of guys equate butt play with being "topped" and think that it'll make them weak or not masculine. And that's a shame because the anus is a wonderfully sensitive organ and, more than that, inside the butt is the prostate, which is the best male sexual part since, like, the penis. Of course, that said, the other married guys I asked about this faulted their wives for the lack of back-end-activity. "There's a harness collecting dust right now in the upper reaches of my wife's closet," one guy said to me. And I know that's true for at least one other married guy too.

Gay Committed Guy (Bill): I think everyone should try to stick a pinky in their bum bum at least once. Straight guys tend to be scared of this because they fear it might make them gay, but to hell with that: it's just another hole in our body that happens to be sensitive. That's not to say that once a person gets over their hangups about it being gay or dirty or whatever that they won't decide it's not for them. Gay guys, like all human beings, are all different: some are always tops, some are always bottoms and some like to mix it up, some prefer only to give it, some prefer only to receive it and some like both. So I think it's worth trying once (both giving and receiving) so you can say unequivocally: I definitely did/did not like that.

Our "guys" are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week's Straight Single Guy is our former uber-intern, Colin Adamo, and our Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles -- check out his new website,


Jay said:

I apply the same rule to men and women:

If you've tried butt fun, and you know it's not for you, fine. But if you REFUSE to try something that might feel good on the basis of some baloney ideological concern (men: "that's for fags!" women: "that's degrading!")...

... you're a LAME LOVER!

I am a straight guy who knows, because I have tried it, that I like things in my butt.


i think the stuff is nasty and painful because i have tried it and it didnt go so great

Gem said:

My husband loves it. We've been together for 25 years, I was older and more experienced than he was, butt he has been the best lover i ever had.
I never needed anyone else.

Steve said:

Anal sex of any flavor makes a lot of people shiver; some with fear and others with pleasure! Not many out there who can "take it or leave it" though.

The funny thing is that if you THINK you won't like it - you probably won't. If you are open-minded and are relaxed enough to really give it a try - and do enough research in advance to know you are going to need three things to be successful: 1. LUBE - and when you think you have enough, use more! 2. The ability to relax and enjoy the sensation (there are involuntary muscles to contend with - even if you TELL your partner you want to (but you really don't), there is a second muscular ring just inside the anus that will slam the door shut and make sure you DON'T HAVE A GOOD TIME; and 3. a gentle partner who will go SLOW and who knows what to do to make it feel good - there is a good chance that if all three are present, you may find an entirely new and pleasurable facet to your lovemaking that you never knew could feel so good.


my boyfriend was really afraid of anything anal at first. but when i "coached" him into tring, he said that he loved it and that the orgasm was like no other.

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