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12.18.2008  BY EM & LO
Calgary Zoo Holiday Display Fail

Our 2008 was made just a little more joyful with the existence of FAIL Blog. What was once just a crush of the week, has turned into our crush of the year. So to close this one out with a bang, here's a roundup of some recent sex- and relationship-related fail faves:

So, we were doing a little wholesome holiday shopping the other day at a typical American mall when we walked by this mannequin outside a Hollister store. Hell-oh! Is that visible stem? Um, yeah. This couldn't be the work of pre-teen prankster mall rats, or else the pants would have been pulled down to reveal the entire anatomically incorrect package. No, this had to have been art direction sent down from corporate. Official penile cleavage. And we couldn't help but think that this was at once a step forward toward true equality between the sexes (i.e. equal opportunity objectification, yay!) AND a step back toward Idiocracy, where pervasive advertising appeals to the lowest common denominator of our reptilian brains (it's the caveman club bonking us all on the heads, making us stupider and stupider, crasser and crasser). Titillated, disappointed, and confused, it was time to get a Cinnabon to make ourselves feel worse.

12.08.2008  BY EM & LO

Just when we thought we were over juvenile body-function humor, they pull us back in! This is the hilarious first single from "Incredibad", the debut album (in stores 2/10/09) of the comedy troupe The Lonley Island (Andy Samberg of SNL, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone). The video has guest appearances by Molly Sims, Jamie Lynn Sigler and, of course, Justin Timberlake in an excellent wig. Be warned: You will be singing this all day long wherever you are: at the office, in line at the grocery store, talking to your mom on video chat...

Sometimes, well, I'll admit it: It's downright annoying when a new skincare brand launches. After all, don't we have enough products to muck through as it is? Still, when I came across Nude a few moons ago, I couldn't help but be slayed. Here is a sexy, all-natural, organic, environmentally responsible line that also incorporates technological benefits that make for a smokin' combination of stand-out products that smell amazing, look gorgeous, are good for you and the planet and, most importantly (from a Product Fiend perspective anyway), really work. Like many brands, they've put together some little gifty boxes for the holiday. Let's take a closer look, shall we? Let's take a look at why it's the sexiest skincare brand out there, after the jump!

11.26.2008  BY EM & LO

Come Thursday, when you spend the day fisting a dead bird, barely stomaching your great aunt's marshmallow yam casserole, fighting with your brother about the girlfriend he stole from you 15 years ago, and trying to figure out how this absurd tradition came into practice, check out this three-part series on the Pilgrims -- it won't give you any historical insight, but it might give you a giggle. Especially if you appreciate your 12-year-old nephew's sense of offensive, nonsensical, bodily function-based humor. (Part 2 and Part 3

11.25.2008  BY EM & LO

...for being the best source of cheap laughs on the web. Of  course, this recently posted "bookstore sorting fail" struck us as particularly hilarious, especially with the "bonus." Some would argue it's not a "fail" at all but rather an accurate reflection of reality (e.g. Bill Maher). However, we'd like to think that there are enough enlightened monogamous couples with healthy sex lives out there who make this a legitimate fail. Sure, they may have needed to read books in BOTH bookstore sections to get there, but hey, they're making it work.

Every now and then we come across something online so very wrong that we wonder if the Internet isn't such a great thing after all. Two girls, one cup, say...OR a self-published (natch) collection of semen-based recipes, just in time for Thanksgiving. Spunky candied pecans, anyone? According to the author, Fotie Photenhauer--a grownup version, one would imagine, of that little twerp in 10th grade who claimed that his semen would cure your acne--"Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants." In theory, it shouldn't be any grosser than, say, eating a calf's liver, but in practice? We're going to put it in our "Tom Cruise eating his baby's placenta" file. And yes, before you ask, we are indeed two uptight biotches with no sense of humor.


Um, wait, what? A friend just sent us this picture, apparently taken this week, and uploaded to this White House URL (sure to be taken down any second now). We too asked our friend, "Isn't that the symbol for the tricky handwork move known as 'the shocker," i.e two fingers in the va-ja-jay and one in the bum?!" Well, yes and no.

Apparently, the picture has something to do with the Arizona State University's softball and track and field teams--each won national championships and visited the White House this week. The Sun Devil is their mascot, and he carries a pitchfork, which this hand gesture represents. Plus, it looks like the letter W, for George W. Bush. And technically speaking, the the shocker would have your index and middle finger pressed together. 

But at first glance you've got to admit it looks an awful lot like "the shocker," which is why we, being the two very mature and responsible sex writers that we are, felt obligated to post it. Sure, it's an innocent, unfortunate, accidental pornographic reference made by an unknowing administration, but one we think is symbolic of how utterly obscene this government's policies have been--and how they've basically screwed the country over.

Merely observing the hetero male of the species in his natural habitat can be utterly confounding for us straight gals, especially when it comes to dating and mating: Why do they do the things they do?! So Glamour asked us to pose seven questions to experts and average guys alike in the hopes of better understanding this mysterious creature:

1. Why are guys getting waxed there? (Our man-handled men covered ball-shaving today; we went one step further.)
2. Why are young guys undergoing vasectomies?
3. Why are guys so amused by "braining"?
4. Why are guys still taking such risks just to get laid?
5. Why are guys wearing skinny jeans?
6. Why are guys obsessed with making sex tapes?
7. Why are guys saying no to casual sex?

To find the answers, check out the December issue of Glamour magazine that just hit stands for our article in the "Relationship Report" department called "Guys' Weird New Habits: Why? Why?" We got a ton of great responses and reactions to these questions that couldn't possibly all fit in a three-page piece, so every Thursday for the next month we'll run a short behind-the-scenes tidbit from this article's research. In the meantime, go pick up a copy and all will be revealed.

Fatman Scoop and wife Shanda, hosts of Man and Wife, photo via Splash

Via our favorite Big Fat Deal comes this breaking news as reported by Yahoo: Fat women have sex with other people! Researchers seemed shocked that it is so--even speculating that fat women may have lied about having sex with other people, because people tend to lie during sex surveys, and of course what a fat woman would lie about is the fact that someone finds her sexually attractive, wants to touch her body, make love to her, finds her beautiful and desirable.

The major problem with this study, as Mo Pie points out, is that the story, and the research, seems to boil down to the idea that oh yeah! Fat women should totally get proper STD counseling, we didn't even think of that! And the suggestion that doctors assume that anyone overweight is not sexually active; therefore, there is no reason to talk to them about reproductive health--not to mention the insinuation that fat women are so stupid and know so little about sex that they're out there climbing on anything and anyone, indiscriminately, much as they put anything (and anyone) indiscriminately in their mouths.

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

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